Children nowadays are experiencing health issues, which were previously believed to be exclusive to adults. Obesity, a significant health problem, is widespread among young individuals. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #health #adults #obesity #individuals

Nowadays,

children

are experiencing health issues, and one of them is obesity, which

were

Change the verb form

was

show examples

previously believed to be suffered by adults.

Hence

, in

this

essay, I will discuss some reasons why

this

issue occurs and present some solutions to

this

matter. The first main cause

Change preposition

show examples

children

developing obesity is

due to

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the consumption of unhealthy foods and drinks containing high

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

of sugar.

For instance

, boba milk teas and candies, which

children

love to cater for,

contains

Correct subject-verb agreement

contain

show examples

both chemical ingredients and artificial

sweetener

Fix the agreement mistake

sweeteners

show examples

which can be very difficult to digest.

Thus

this

results in the level of blood sugar

increase

Wrong verb form

increasing

show examples

uncontrollably. Other than that,

children

are highly influenced by social media, as many influencers promote foods that seem healthy, but in

fact

Add a comma

fact,

show examples

it is not. There are several ways to solve these issues.

Firstly

, parents can monitor their child’s diet, which can help

children

avoid eating unhealthy food and lower the chances of high blood sugar. Parents can

also

control what their

children

watch on social media,

hence

when they ask for products marketed by influencers, parents could check

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

contents and decide whether or not to buy

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

To conclude

, some reasons why

children

can experience health issues

Change the verb form

are

show examples

caused by their diet and the influence of social media, which can be solved by monitoring what they eat and checking illegible sources on the internet.

Submitted by kelly on Thu Jun 13 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the task effectively by identifying the causes of childhood obesity and suggesting relevant solutions. To further improve, you might consider expanding on some of the solutions with more details or examples.

coherence cohesion

Your essay demonstrates clear and logical structure with an appropriate introduction and conclusion. Some transitions between ideas could be made smoother. Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of information.

coherence cohesion

You supported your main points well, but adding more specific examples and further clarifying some points would strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a well-organized structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps in presenting a coherent response to the task.

task achievement

You included relevant examples, such as mentioning boba milk teas and candies, to support your points. This adds credibility to your arguments.

task achievement

The essay directly addresses both parts of the question, discussing causes and offering solutions, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

227 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

7.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

7.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

7.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
As a consequence of improved medical care, people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think its advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
There is a heated debate over the topic of increasing life expectancy being the result of advanced healthcare. It is, thus, suggested that this general trend be considered rather negative. In the following paragraphs, I will try to delve into this notion and provide certain arguments why I would take issue with that it serves for the benefits of human-beings.
4.5
band
The effect of people to the environment is so much nowadays,what can the government and individuals do to restore or prevent further damage to the environment.
An environment is an external bodies surrounding a man which defines and classify the kind of organism that lives in it. An environment is incomplete without the inhabitant likewise human cannot do without their environment. Humans and their environment interact on daily basis. Humans cannot survive without interacting with their environment.
5.5
band
In many countries, the number of obese children is increasing rapidly, and many people believe that the government is responsible for this alarming problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In many countries, the number of obese children is increasing rapidly, many people believe that the government is responsible for this alarming problem. I find that this is not an entirely accurate opinion. Although the government is responsible for the problem of overweight in children, the key is still parental supervision and proper education from schools.
4.5
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this
In many nations around the world, more and more individuals are becoming interested in searching out the history of their houses or buildings. This essay will examine the possible reasons behind it and how individuals can research it.
5.5
band
People find it very difficult to speak in public or to give a presentation before an audience. Do you think that public speaking skill is very important? Some people say that it should be taught at school. Do you agree or disagree?
A number of individuals finds public speaking a daunting task. The inability to speak confidently causes problems in conveyance of the message to the audience of the speaker . It is crucial to learn public speaking skills and there are a myriad of reasons for that. If this skill is taught at school then it is very beneficial for the student.

Fully explain your ideas

As a consequence of improved medical care, people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think its advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The effect of people to the environment is so much nowadays,what can the government and individuals do to restore or prevent further damage to the environment.

In many countries, the number of obese children is increasing rapidly, and many people believe that the government is responsible for this alarming problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this

People find it very difficult to speak in public or to give a presentation before an audience. Do you think that public speaking skill is very important? Some people say that it should be taught at school. Do you agree or disagree?