Children nowadays are experiencing health issues, which were previously believed to be exclusive to adults. Obesity, a significant health problem, is widespread among young individuals. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays,
children
are experiencing health issues, and one of them is obesity, which were
previously believed to be suffered by adults. Change the verb form
was
Hence
, in this
essay, I will discuss some reasons why this
issue occurs and present some solutions to this
matter.
The first main cause to
Change preposition
of
children
developing obesity is due to
the consumption of unhealthy foods and drinks containing high Change preposition
apply
level
of sugar. Fix the agreement mistake
levels
For instance
, boba milk teas and candies, which children
love to cater for, contains
both chemical ingredients and artificial Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
sweetener
which can be very difficult to digest. Fix the agreement mistake
sweeteners
Thus
, this
results in the level of blood sugar increase
uncontrollably. Other than that, Wrong verb form
increasing
children
are highly influenced by social media, as many influencers promote foods that seem healthy, but in fact
it is not.
There are several ways to solve these issues. Add a comma
fact,
Firstly
, parents can monitor their child’s diet, which can help children
avoid eating unhealthy food and lower the chances of high blood sugar. Parents can also
control what their children
watch on social media, hence
when they ask for products marketed by influencers, parents could check its
contents and decide whether or not to buy Correct pronoun usage
their
it
.
Correct pronoun usage
them
To conclude
, some reasons why children
can experience health issues is
caused by their diet and the influence of social media, which can be solved by monitoring what they eat and checking illegible sources on the internet.Change the verb form
are
Submitted by kelly on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively by identifying the causes of childhood obesity and suggesting relevant solutions. To further improve, you might consider expanding on some of the solutions with more details or examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates clear and logical structure with an appropriate introduction and conclusion. Some transitions between ideas could be made smoother. Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of information.
coherence cohesion
You supported your main points well, but adding more specific examples and further clarifying some points would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-organized structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps in presenting a coherent response to the task.
task achievement
You included relevant examples, such as mentioning boba milk teas and candies, to support your points. This adds credibility to your arguments.
task achievement
The essay directly addresses both parts of the question, discussing causes and offering solutions, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the task requirements.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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