IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The plans give information about changes in a student accommodation.

#plans #information #changes #student #accommodation
The picture illustrates the redevelopment of
student
accommodation
 from 2010 to the present.
Overall
, with the exception of the garden, living
room
 and kitchen, the
student
accommodation
 design had not changed for a long time. Beginning with the garden at the bottom of the
accommodation
 for students, it has cleared to make way for a car parking at present,
along with
 the main entrance and the Hallway has remained stable in the same place. An en-suite
room
 has been added near the
student
 bedroom in the bottom right-hand corner.
Moreover
, the living
room
 at the top
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of
this
 place has been demolished, they
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 replaced with the new
student-bedroom
Correct your spelling
student bedroom
show examples
 which
similar
Add a missing verb
is similar
show examples
 to
structure
Add an article
the structure
show examples
 of some
bedroom
Fix the agreement mistake
bedrooms
show examples
 before. The bathroom has been located in the same place for a long time. Moving onto the middle of the right-hand corner, where the kitchen had been in 2010, social media has been added to
this
 area.
Furthermore
, the
accommodation
 expanded in the top left-hand to construct the new
student
 bedroom and they
also
 built the second entrance in
this
 new
room
 to connect with the outside area.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay covers the main changes between 2010 and the present, addressing the prompt effectively. However, the mention of 'social media' being added to the kitchen is unclear and should be revised for accuracy.
task achievement
The essay provides clear points but would benefit from a stronger concluding sentence to better wrap up the analysis.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you use consistent verb tenses when describing changes. For example, 'it has cleared' should be 'it has been cleared'.
coherence cohesion
Using transitional phrases like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' can improve flow and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Adding an introductory sentence to the second paragraph could enhance coherence by smoothly leading the reader into the details of the changes.
task achievement
The essay describes the changes in student accommodation in a detailed manner.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically divides the description into different sections, which adds clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: