IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that government funding for schools should be spent on science subjects rather than on other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that allocating government funds to diverse subjects is useless as focusing on science subjects is more crucial.
This
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 essay totally disagrees with
this
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 statement. I believe that spending on more courses helps more enlistment to pursue their interests and protect every work sector.
To begin
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 with, when it comes to studying, everyone has alternative interests. Individuals with financial support are more capable of achieving heights down the lines as per their fascination. Not only do they aspire to employ all the opportunities they have to accomplish goals, but they can
also
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 maintain their focus on developing skills
instead
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 of being distressed about financial expenses.
For example
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 , statistics from Harvard University show that students with financial relief have higher energy regarding their chosen field of study
instead
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 of choosing the field of study based on subsidies . Eventually, all the subjects must be funded by the government rather than focusing mainly on science modules.
Additionally
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, when the government give preference to only one subject
that is
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 science, scholars with impoverishment need to choose a funded stream
due to
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 lack of money forcefully, even if they are not willing to do that. In the end, more learners will be prepared for science-related jobs like engineering , doctors, scientists and other businesses and the remaining sectors may have faced a shortage of talented employees and decrement in the economy.
Furthermore
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,even though , trainees with an enforced mindset may take superior earnings, they probably will not be fully satisfied from the core of their heart as feel bored, a high level of stress and anxiety
while
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 working. In conclusion, being supportive in terms of finance for every subject can result in outstanding results for beginners and protect every sector of work as well.

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task achievement
While your arguments are clear, try to include a broader range of examples or elaborations to make your points more comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to your main thesis for better cohesion. Consider using more linking phrases to guide the reader.
task achievement
Try to explain how focusing on various subjects benefits society as a whole, as well as the individuals involved; this will improve the depth of your discussion.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position against the notion that focus should only be on science subjects.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to strengthen your points, such as the statistics from Harvard University.
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