IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Consumers are faced with increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think consumers are influenced by advertisements? What measures can be taken to protect them?

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Advertisements, which are assumed as the most effective part of business, are said to be grown by competing holdings for clients. In
this
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 essay why I think
people
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 are affected by advertisements and which approaches should be applied to protect them will be addressed.
Firstly
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, nowadays folks are persuaded by attractive advertisements to buy unnecessary
products
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. To illustrate, some sports companies are used to being sponsors of famous athletes
such
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 as Cristiano Ronaldo or Leonel Messy to encourage a myriad of
people
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 to purchase their
products
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. Not only various sportsmen are eager to buy these sports goods but
also
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 motivate juveniles to convince their parents to buy something for them.
As a result
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, these kinds of marketing have detrimental effects because they propound consumerism. In my view, if
people
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 especially children are aware of the tricks of companies which they just want to sell their
products
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 and educate them to buy the
products
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 which are necessary for them leads to consumerism.
Secondly
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, the quality of materials is accounted as the inevitable parameter for customers. Social media and TV programs are thrilling for adolescents and thanks to it, some chain restaurants advertise fast
food
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 with low quality which is full of saturated oil without nutritional value in the middle of the cartoons to tempt children to eat unhealthy
food
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.
Therefore
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, the more unhealthy
food
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 will be popular, the more maladies
such
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 as obesity will be epidemic. If authorities inhibit the holdings from marketing their unhealthy
food
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 which compromises health, health issues
such
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 as corpulence will be diminished. In conclusion, in
this
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 essay why individuals are affected by advertising using celebrities to absorb
people
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 and social media to purchase
products
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 and
also
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 which approaches should be implemented to abate the negative effects of advertising, were elaborated

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coherence
Although the essay begins with an introduction and ends with a conclusion, try to structure the main body in a clearer and more logical way. For example, having distinct paragraphs for different points can help with clarity.
task achievement
When discussing the impact of advertisements, delve deeper into the specific measures that can be taken. Currently, the measures are mentioned but not elaborated on sufficiently.
task achievement
Good use of examples such as Cristiano Ronaldo and fast food advertisements to illustrate points.
coherence
There is a conclusion that effectively summarizes the essay's main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • advertising campaign
  • celebrity endorsement
  • psychological manipulation
  • emotional appeal
  • targeted advertisement
  • digital marketing
  • social proof
  • peer review
  • consumer trust
  • brand loyalty
  • misleading advertisement
  • government regulation
  • consumer protection
  • media literacy
  • ad-blocker
  • privacy settings
  • informed choice
  • critical thinking
  • marketing tactics
  • consumer awareness
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