IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

International travel is becoming cheaper than before, so more and more countries open their doors to tourists. Do the advantages of the increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages?

#travel #countries #doors #tourists #tourism
The price of global
tourism
 is lower than in the past,
therefore
, more and more countries are opening their doors to travel. Personally, I think that the advantages of growth
tourism
 outweigh its disadvantages. On the one hand, it is thought that the development of
tourism
 helps to improve the
economy
 worldwide because demands of accommodations, food, transportation and other services from visitors have created a large number of jobs and investment opportunities for local people and foreigners. If the
tourism
 industry all over the world does not increase, the revenue will decrease and the rate of joblessness will go up.
Therefore
, the rise of
tourism
 plays a crucial role in the progression of the
economy
 worldwide.
For instance
, after Covid19 pandemic, the international
economy
 has hurt significantly. Plenty of shops, restaurants, companies and much more were bankrupted .
However
, the travel industry as a strong leverage has gradually helped to recover the worldwide
economy
. Companies, shops, restaurants and other services have been restarting.
Also
, the proportion of unemployment
On the other hand
, some say that the economic climb has caused pollution because a large number of people gather in one place, which leads to a large number of personal trash being released into the environment.
Moreover
, a major amount of emission from vehicles which serve travellers is being released into the air. Because of
this
, our habitat is being threatened. For all that, in recent years, a message of green travel has been sent to the world to protect our Earth. People are following it. To illustrate, governments have been producing force rules to protect the environment in
tourism
 areas and friendly-eco waste proposals are
also
 required.
Additionally
, they are encouraged to drive electric vehicles as well and residents are
also
 increasing their awareness of vital environmental protection. In conclusion, it seems to me that the benefits of rising
tourism
 worldwide overcome its drawbacks
Submitted by writingeilts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You effectively addressed the task by presenting both advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism. However, some of your ideas could be more clearly expressed. Focus on improving clarity and ensuring each point is fully developed.
task achievement
Ensure that each point is supported with relevant specifics and clear examples. This will help to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Nevertheless, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Work on creating better flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are generally well-organized, be careful with minor grammatical errors and word choices that can affect coherence. Proofreading your essay before submission can help catch these errors.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied sentence structures and transitions to improve the overall fluency of your essay. This will help you achieve a more natural and engaging writing style.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize your main points.
logical structure
You have a logical structure that helps in presenting your arguments coherently.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: