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Band 4.5

Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to decrease crime while others believe that there are alternatives ways to decrease crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #prison #sentences #decrease #crime #alternatives
That belive which is
While
 a group of people think being
for
Change preposition
in for
show examples
 a long
time
 period in
prison
 is the best
way
 to
fell
Verb problem
fail
show examples
 crimes,
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
another group
Fix the agreement mistake
other groups
show examples
 believe that there are other solutions to solving
this
 matter;
however
, in my own opinion the first
way
 is better. Being in
prison
 for a long
time
 period as a punishment can scare criminals to prevent doing that. The
time
 when somebody
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 going to make a decision
which is doing
Verb problem
to commit
show examples
 a
crime
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anxious and for a
secound
Correct your spelling
second
think
Wrong verb form
thinking
show examples
 about the result of itself action can be so helpful for
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
show examples
 doing that.
For example
, two
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 who are
fiting
Correct your spelling
fitting
fighting
 and are angry want to kill
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
 but when they think because of that they have to be in
prison
fore
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of life they realize
that is
 not a good decision and they may
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
ignor
Correct your spelling
ignore
this
 thinking. So in
this
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 the amount of
crime
 will
decrese
Correct your spelling
decrease
.
On the other hand
, the other group
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
believes there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some other
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
decrese
Correct your spelling
decrease
 the number of
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 and these ways should be
learning
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
 in schools
that is
 a really bad thing doing
crime
 or even work in
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
relaxition
Correct your spelling
relaxation
. These types of
majour
Correct your spelling
majors
 absolutely are effective but not
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
.
For example
, with
concidering
Correct your spelling
considering
 a child
whoes
Correct your spelling
whose
who's
 family and teachers always learn
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to be
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
show examples
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
knows that crimes are worse to do but the
time
 when
it
Correct pronoun usage
he
she
show examples
 is angry
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
is a very good
time
 for making a bad decision. So these ways are so good but they are not enough. In conclusion,
this
 punishment
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is a long
time
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
in
prison
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
less the amount of
crime
,
however
 other ways are effective too but not as much as the first one. I am not a professional in
this
erea
Correct your spelling
area
 and these
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 must do some
majourment
Correct your spelling
adjournment
 before gets late.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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grammar vocabulary
Work on your grammar and sentence structure to avoid errors that can confuse the reader. Also, make sure to use varied and precise vocabulary.
examples
Ensure that your examples are relevant and clearly support your main points. This adds stronger support to your arguments.
clarity
Try to make your ideas more comprehensive and clearer. Make sure each paragraph focuses on one central idea.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present which helps provide a structure to your essay.
task response
You have made an effort to discuss both views and provided your opinion which is good for task achievement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Deterrence
  • Recidivism
  • Rehabilitation
  • Restorative justice
  • Community policing
  • Economic development
  • Reintegration
  • Punitive measures
  • Inhumane conditions
  • Overcrowding
  • Social services
  • Tailored approaches
  • Public sentiment
  • Root causes
  • Taxpayer burden
What to do next:
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