IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe it is a good idea for students to work part-time to ensure better opportunities in the future. Others are of the opinion, job during study distracts the individual. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
Linking Words
 some people think it is more beneficial for the
future
Use synonyms
 of younger having a part-time
job
Use synonyms
, others argue that it can distract them from their personal lives. I believe, that
while
Linking Words
 working part-time has some vital impact on their
future
Use synonyms
 life, it is more profitable to focus on themselves.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, part-time duty could be useful for children.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they can develop their business skills and deal with any situation.
For example
Linking Words
, working in a famous company could assist them in making powerful CVs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can have a better opportunity to find a well-paid
job
Use synonyms
 in the
future
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, juniors could have a chance to have a variety of communications with others in society.
For instance
Linking Words
, they could visit a successful person teaching them life lessons. I believe it is essential for students to concentrate on their studies more than anything else. They have a lot of responsibilities, which have to carry them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these duties could be practical for them, as they can learn about different subjects, and find their interests.
Thus
Linking Words
, in the
future
Use synonyms
, they could choose a
job
Use synonyms
, which they tend to and have more abilities to deal with. Not only, is it beneficial for them, but
also
Linking Words
 it is practical for society.
As the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 more interests people have, the more benefits are for the government. In conclusion, I believe, that
although
Linking Words
 a part-time
job
Use synonyms
 is profitable, it is more crucial for juniors' bright
future
Use synonyms
 to focus on their personal lives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay covers both views and provides an opinion, but it could benefit from more development and additional examples to strengthen arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Although the essay is generally coherent, it could use smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
overall
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to make the essay more polished. Review sentences for clarity and flow.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, effectively framing the essay.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion.
relevant specific examples
Key points are supported with relevant examples, such as business skills and networking opportunities.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • valuable work experience
  • enhance their resume
  • academic qualifications
  • practical experience
  • time management
  • communication skills
  • problem-solving
  • financial stress
  • educational resources
  • job prospects
  • academic performance
  • mental and physical health
  • divided attention
  • extracurricular activities
  • overall development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: