It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer.

Nowadays, the world changes significantly
due to
technology affecting people’s characteristics and perspectives. One of the biggest
change
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changes
show examples
is young people prefer to manage their own
business
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businesses
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rather than to be
an
Correct article usage
apply
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employee
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employees
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, resulting from
environment
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the environment
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in the present time.
However
,
this
phenomenon
cause
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causes
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disadvantages in terms of pressure and risk In current years, technological devices have a major impact on young people’s
live
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lives
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.
The
Correct your spelling
This
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causes them to access
to
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apply
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information more rapidly and know the changes very well.
In addition
, modern equipment can assist in working life.
For example
, people do not need a company as an intermediate to earn money, but they can use social media channels to promote themselves and find their own money.
This
is an easier means and provides more freedom than following the rules of the organization. As we know , doing the big responsibilities on your own may lead to inevitable risks in terms of budget, thoughts and
labor
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labour
show examples
.
For instance
, those who have a clothing company have to start with finding cost, designing clothes, finding a factory, marketing and shipping. These processes are all from the owner’s thoughts that put them under high pressure.
Moreover
, connections are
also
important in doing business because
without
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, without
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any support, it can lead to bad decisions and
the
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apply
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bankruptcy. In conclusion,
to do
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doing
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their own things
become
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becomes
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more convenient even if it can be followed by many
risk
Change to a plural noun
risks
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. In my opinion, everything is like
Add an article
a two-edge
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two-edge
Correct your spelling
two-edged
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sword but I strongly agree that doing your own business
gain
Correct subject-verb agreement
gains
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more experience and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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more pros.
Submitted by nugentsr on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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general
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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a coherent structure.
task achievement
The essay touches on relevant examples, which strengthens the overall argument.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates good use of modern language and touches on current topics, such as the impact of technology on business.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • aspiration
  • entrepreneur
  • flexibility
  • decision-making
  • financial rewards
  • personal fulfillment
  • challenges
  • financial risk
  • invested capital
  • cash flow
  • guaranteed income
  • work-life balance
  • responsibility
  • pressure
  • burnout
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