Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Some people believe that
children
have to make their own decisions every day while
others believe in a different way. I believe that children
need to became
more independent and make their own Change the verb
become
choices
.
Firstly
, the most important advantage when the
Correct article usage
apply
children
are responsible for their choices
,
is Remove the comma
apply
because
they become more independent Correct word choice
that
to
Change preposition
in
choice
the basic things Replace the word
choosing
such
as food, clothes or entertainment, and they not
depend Change the verb form
do not
did not
to
following strict rules or social pressure. Change preposition
on
For instance
, if when they are young and the
parents select their clothes, probably they will not develop their individual characteristics, Change the word
their
furthermore
, is the same when we talk about careers. Children
that do not make their own choices
may not be able to find a profession they truly like and it is extremely common to happen in
nowadays where there are a higher number of Change preposition
apply
desistance
the first degree.
Correct your spelling
resistance
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages such
as the limits of individuality, sometimes over this
limits can be negative for the social life. Correct determiner usage
these
For example
in a meeting in
a job maybe they become disappointed if your idea is not approved Change preposition
at
and
should result in Correct word choice
which
a
enormous frustration.
In conclusion, Remove the article
apply
although
there are some disadvantages, in my opinion, the fact that the children
become more independent with their choices
far outweighs the question about individuality because I am certain that this
independence prevents these children
from becoming indecisive.Submitted by lucianocamilot on
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task achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt reasonably well, try to deepen your analysis and provide more comprehensive explanations for your ideas. This will demonstrate a more thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is sufficiently detailed and adequately supported by relevant examples. This will strengthen the persuasiveness of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Although your ideas are logically structured, ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are even smoother. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to convey your ideas. This will help you to express your points more clearly and effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay well.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
task achievement
You have identified both positive and negative aspects of allowing children to make their own choices, showing a balanced perspective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.