Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
In modern society, focusing on a specific subject and accomplishing a bright achievement are treated as
virtue
. Fix the agreement mistake
virtues
However
, there is a more persuasive argument that some college students want to explore different subjects
beside than
their majors. I firmly believe that having more Change preposition
besides
chance
to study various Fix the agreement mistake
chances
subjects
is beneficial to individual's
success because it can help pupils develop their holistic skills for Correct article usage
an individual's
lives
and foster their creativity.
Fix the agreement mistake
life
It is clear that
there are some advantages to concentrate
on their own major. Without Wrong verb form
concentrating
no
doubt, it is expected that if they put all their time and energy Correct determiner usage
a
in
their initial choice they can become a qualified professional without unnecessary struggles. Change preposition
into
Also
, they might suffer less from the strains those
can be accompanied by exploring their career in the future. Correct pronoun usage
that
For instance
, every student who admits
the medical school could become a doctor in 6 years once they put all their energy into the pre-planned academic courses. Wrong verb form
is admitted
Subsequently
, focusing on their major ensures their prospective occupations.
On the other hand
, there are several reasons why it is crucial to learn about different subjects
when students are in university. Firstly
, since the contemporary world is heading towards multi-disciplinary
society, individual's diverse experiences can play a key role in their future career. Not only Correct article usage
a multi-disciplinary
the
diverse backgroundsCorrect article usage
apply
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
creativity can be achieved by studying multiple subjects
. Drawing from my personal experience, my major was business management when I was in my freshman year. Back then
I decided to study architecture which I was also
interested in. I was able to open up my mind by learning both viewpoints from
each subject. By connecting those two areas, now I am working as a manager of Change preposition
on
architecture
company which I love. Correct article usage
an architecture
As a result
, having more chances for learning make
one's life more colourful than it must have been Change the verb form
makes
otherwise
.
To conclude
, although
there are some advantages to focus
on a single skill, I strongly believe that the advantages of studying various Wrong verb form
focusing
subjects
outweigh those. Therefore
, every pupil should be encouraged to study multiple subjects
when they are in university.Submitted by JE
on
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specific
Ensure that you maintain clarity by avoiding minor grammatical errors, such as 'beside than' which should be 'besides'.
specific
Ensure that your ideas are fully developed with a greater focus on balance between arguments to show a stronger contrast.
general
You could enhance your coherence by using more varied transition words/phrases to link your points better.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion by addressing both viewpoints and stating your own position clearly.
supported main points
You have provided relevant examples from your personal experience to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphs for each main point.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points and clearly reiterates your stance.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example