Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In modern society, focusing on a specific subject and accomplishing a bright achievement are treated as
virtue
Fix the agreement mistake
virtues

It seems that virtue may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
However
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there is a more persuasive argument that some college students want to explore different
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

beside than
Change preposition
besides

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their majors. I firmly believe that having more
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances

It seems that chance may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to study various
subjects
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is beneficial to
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's

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success because it can help pupils develop their holistic skills for
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life

It seems that lives may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and foster their creativity.
It is clear that
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

there are some advantages to
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb concentrate. Consider changing it.

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on their own major. Without
no
Correct determiner usage
a

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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doubt, it is expected that if they put all their time and energy
in
Change preposition
into

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their initial choice they can become a qualified professional without unnecessary struggles.
Also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they might suffer less from the strains
those
Correct pronoun usage
that

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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can be accompanied by exploring their career in the future.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, every student who
admits
Wrong verb form
is admitted

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb admits. Consider changing it.

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the medical school could become a doctor in 6 years once they put all their energy into the pre-planned academic courses.
Subsequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, focusing on their major ensures their prospective occupations.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are several reasons why it is crucial to learn about different
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

when students are in university.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, since the contemporary world is heading towards
multi-disciplinary
Correct article usage
a multi-disciplinary

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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society, individual's diverse experiences can play a key role in their future career. Not only
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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diverse backgrounds
,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma before the conjunction but also appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

creativity can be achieved by studying multiple
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Drawing from my personal experience, my major was business management when I was in my freshman year. Back
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

I decided to study architecture which I was
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

interested in. I was able to open up my mind by learning both viewpoints
from
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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each subject. By connecting those two areas, now I am working as a manager of
architecture
Correct article usage
an architecture

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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company which I love.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, having more chances for learning
make
Change the verb form
makes

The verb make does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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one's life more colourful than it must have been
otherwise
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

there are some advantages to
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb focus. Consider changing it.

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on a single skill, I strongly believe that the advantages of studying various
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

outweigh those.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, every pupil should be encouraged to study multiple
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

when they are in university.
Submitted by JE on

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specific
Ensure that you maintain clarity by avoiding minor grammatical errors, such as 'beside than' which should be 'besides'.
specific
Ensure that your ideas are fully developed with a greater focus on balance between arguments to show a stronger contrast.
general
You could enhance your coherence by using more varied transition words/phrases to link your points better.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion by addressing both viewpoints and stating your own position clearly.
supported main points
You have provided relevant examples from your personal experience to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphs for each main point.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points and clearly reiterates your stance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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