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Band 4

With growing number of population in cities. Many people are living in small homes that do not hve outdoor spaces. Is this a positive or negative development

#population #cities #people #homes #hve #spaces #development
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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light of the
qualiferation
Correct your spelling
qualification
proliferation
 of
population
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the population
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 throughout urban areas, some of them are staying in
the
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apply
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tiny houses that do not have any backyards or
frontyards
Correct your spelling
front yards
front yard
.
This
 writer considers that the statement
have
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has
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 some adverse effects and it is a negative development because there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 spaces for
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the tree
a tree
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tree
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trees
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,
thus
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to the increasing
the
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apply
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quantity of CO2
emission
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emissions
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 in the atmosphere and the fewer open spaces, the less comprehensive the children are.
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coherence cohesion
The introduction provides the main topic but lacks clarity and precision. Try refining your thesis statement to distinctly convey your stance and the points you plan to discuss.
task achievement
While you have provided reasons why you believe this is a negative development, the explanation is somewhat brief and lacks specific supporting evidence. To improve, provide more detailed examples and elaborate on each point.
coherence cohesion
The essay needs better transitions between ideas. Use connective words and phrases to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Add a conclusion to summarize your main points and restate your thesis. This will give your essay a complete and rounded feel.
task achievement
Address potential counterarguments to strengthen your argument. Recognizing other perspectives and explaining why they are less valid can make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
You have identified clear reasons for considering the development as negative, which forms a basis for your argument.
task achievement
Your writing shows a grasp of the topic and a willingness to engage with its complexities.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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