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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries.

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In many countries, the rate of crime among teenagers has increased radically in recent years. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the reason for
this
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 undesirable tendency and discuss the feasible solution it may have on society. One of the main reasons is that the young generation is very active and can be involved in criminal activities in case they are not supported by
families
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. In America, it is possible to notice a significant increase in the news about the horrific actions of youngsters toward their peers in schools and universities.
Additionally
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, in poor countries, there is significant financial strain on
families
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, and they are not able to divert children to education and school. Youngsters under eighteen are involved in street jobs from young ages and without control where illegal work can be very attractive to them as well. One of the important solutions is to maintain financial support for poor
families
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 and children without parents until they become grownups. It is
also
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 very important to direct the adolescents to legal employment and give them responsibilities in order to facilitate their healthy growth and feeling of confidence. The
families
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also
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 need to protect their children from negative activities and provide them normal environment by means of redirecting them to sport and education.
To sum up
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, illegal activities and aggressive behaviour of young residents are increasing, and it can cause serious problems for societies. By means of support from the government and
families
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 on a regular basis, it is possible to prevent
such
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 cases. (Samir)

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What works well

3
coherence cohesion

Clear introduction and conclusion which frame the essay well.

task achievement

Main points are well-supported, and you offer feasible solutions to the problem presented.

coherence cohesion

Good overall structure with clear paragraphs dedicated to specific points.

Improvement Suggestions

3
task achievement

Improve examples to support your points. You mentioned news about horrific actions and financial strain, but providing more concrete examples would strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Work on transitioning between paragraphs more smoothly. While your essay has a logical structure, the connection between ideas could be made clearer with better transitions.

coherence cohesion

Try to develop the points slightly more. While your essay covers the main reasons and solutions, providing more in-depth analysis would be beneficial.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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