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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.
#consumption #fish #kinds #meat #european #country
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The line graph illustrates the
consumption
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 rate of four different kinds of meat in the European country between 1979 and 2004. In 1979, the majority of people enjoyed eating beef, with up to 200
grams
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 per
week
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. Meanwhile, the total quantity of chicken and lamb
consumption
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 per
week
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 had a similar figure at 150
grams
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 on a weekly basis, except for
fish
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 which figure was only 50
grams
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.
Next,
Linking Words
when compared to 1984, beef
consumption
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 had a slight increase by 50
grams
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, making it the highest number of meat being consumed at 250
grams
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 per
week
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 before the figure continued to decline in 2004, reaching its lowest point at 100
grams
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 per
week
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.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, chicken experienced a rise which significantly affected the number of
consumption
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 up to 180
grams
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 per
week
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 and ended
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 250
grams
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 in 2004, when it reached its peak.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, consumed
fish
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 underwent a slight downhill with only 110
grams
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 consumed on a weekly basis.
Lastly
Linking Words
, lamb
consumption
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 decreased drastically, from 110
grams
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 in 1989 to only 60
grams
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left
Verb problem
apply
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consumed per
week
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 in 2004.
Whereas
Linking Words
fish
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consumption
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 remained stable with more or less 55
grams
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 consumed per
week
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.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 been
a significant alterations
Correct the article-noun agreement
significant alterations
a significant alteration
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
trend
Correct article usage
the trend
show examples
 in meat
consumption
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 as beef was the most popular in 1979, but in 2004, chicken surpassed it including the
consumption
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 of lamb and
fish
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.
Submitted by kelly on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the contrary".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, grams, week, fish with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • fish
  • meat
  • poultry
  • beef
  • lamb
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • gradual
  • significant
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • trough
  • steady
  • correlation
  • period
  • data
  • comparison
  • predominant
  • kilograms per capita
  • dietary habits
  • health consciousness
  • sustainability
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