IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The tendency of news reporters in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#tendency #news #reporters #media #focus #emergencies #developments #individuals #society
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It is claimed that
media
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 are more likely to concentrate on reporting
news
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 that contains emergency and negative information but not the positive ones about modernization
is
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being
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 dangerous for society and
people
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.
This
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 writer argues that individuals should know about negative
news
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 in order to raise awareness but will not lead to any harmful consequences because of the
media
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’s notification. It must be acknowledged that dangers like disasters, crime, etc, can have a negative impact on the community, causing more problems to solve and overwhelm the society system. To tackle
this
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, the emergency
news
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 is designed to report on the current problems
about
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of
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 these dangers, which are predicted to create destruction in the community. By doing
this
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, the
media
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 can ensure
people
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’s safety by letting them have enough knowledge and preparation to cope with the concern,
help
Correct word choice
and help
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reducing
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reduce
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 the consequences effectively.
For instance
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, just about 10 hours before the biggest tropical storm approached, the Indonesian
media
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 reported the
news
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 about it, to help reduce damage with only injured 5 citizens recorded. Another reason is that the
media
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 can realize what can the problems lead to, so they can adjust the
news
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 just seriously enough to create recognition, but not chaos and too much worry among
people
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, which can lead to anti-social and critical reactions toward the information. To do
this
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, any negative
news
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 will get a notification to discourage
people
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 from following dangerous activities
,
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apply
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 or hide victims from some sensitive behaviours like sexual harassment to get rid of all misunderstandings. Take BBC
News
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for instance
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, they just report about the murder that happened in 1998 but not the exact process to
not
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apply
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encourage anyone to follow. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some concerns that the negative consequences can have a harmful impact, it is obvious that the content
that is
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 conveyed through
news
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 has been controlled to not lead to any following
behaviors
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behaviours
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 or unexpected chaos among
people
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.
However
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, it can even ensure that
people
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 know about the problem.
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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing the focus of the media on negative news and its impacts. However, be sure to elaborate more on the consequences for society as a whole and contrast it with the potential importance of including positive news.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-structured, the flow between paragraphs could be smoother. Ensure that each paragraph transitions seamlessly to the next. Also, developing each point further and linking them back to your main argument would be beneficial.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help in making your arguments more compelling and concrete.
general advice
Pay attention to your use of language and sentence structure. While the ideas are clear, there are minor grammatical errors and some phrasing that could be more precise.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully introduced the topic and concluded your essay by summarizing your main points. This helps in reinforcing your argument.
task achievement
Your essay shows an understanding of the need to report negative news to raise awareness and ensure public preparedness, which is a strong point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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