Nowadays, there are more celebrities who are famous for glamor and wealth rather than their achievements. This is a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Today, young people are subjected to various types of influences. One of which is the hype around certain celebrities.
However
, most famous celebrities do not rely on solid achievements but rather on their attractiveness and being descended from rich families. I wholeheartedly believe that they provide a poor example for teenagers. In this
essay, I will provide my valid reasons, as well as
the rationale behind my disapproval.
First and foremost, those uprising celebrities mislead our young by providing harmful misconceptions about climbing the ladder of success. This
is because they reflect a deceiving picture of how they successfully made it. Their success story originally depended on their allure or parental support in which they paved their way. This
, in turn, affects teenagers’ aims and their life goals. As a result
, they grow up less inclined towards academic betterment, but rather waiting for sudden popularity that could be granted for them out of pure luck. A good illustration of this
can be detected in the behaviour of some drop-out youngsters who try to copy and mimic certain pop singers in order to become alike.
Another catastrophic by-product of this
phenomenon is, in fact, the adverse mental effects on children. They often develop strong negative emotions about themselves ranging from contempt and self-loath to incompetency. Owing to having less attractive characteristics than the glamourous famous influencers who they follow. For example
, a young girl may treat herself harshly as she regards herself as unequal to her favourite actress.
The conclusion here is simple, many possible threats are becoming imposed upon young people who are obsessed with personalities possessing much fame. Therefore
, I strongly believe that we must be more alert to face the misconceptions and mental burdens caused to teenagers by considering superstars as their personal idols.Submitted by besoyam on
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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your points by providing additional examples or further explanation. This can help to strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring a smoother transition between ideas. This will improve the logical flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage by clearly stating the writer's position, and the conclusion neatly summarizes the main points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well and provides a well-structured response with clear main points.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the drop-out youngsters and the mental effects on children, are relevant and help to illustrate the main points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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