IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Do advantages of damaging untouched natural places to get source of oil and gas outweigh the disadvantages?

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As the human population grows, there will be a significant necessity for energy sources of oil and gas. Even though some
people
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 agree that
people
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 should be obtaining more sources of energy in the deep ground by expanding the mining area,
some
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apply
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others argue that taking oil and gas in untouched natural areas endangers the biosystem and its
people
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. In my opinion, I firmly believe that the advantages do not outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, expanding mining areas by damaging natural places will decrease the existing natural ecosystem. It is undeniable that
forests
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 are homes for wild animals,
such
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 as lions, tigers, and other vulnerable-to-extinct animals. If their habitats are demolished, they will not be able to survive,
due to
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 the lack of a source of food and place to live.
For instance
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, deforestation for mining purposes in Indonesia has started for decades or even a century, leading to a massive biodiversity decline
such
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 as
extinction
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the extinction
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 of Java tigers.
Moreover
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, cutting
forests
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 for mining purposes can be harmful
for
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to
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 human beings. As
forests
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 are the second largest oxygen producer on earth after plankton in the oceans, they have a huge impact on
people
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's lives because all living creatures need oxygen to breathe. If the sources of oxygen decrease, all creatures will be struggling in life. Other than that,
forests
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also
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 play a major role in preventing global warming and managing the air temperature.
People
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 worldwide believe that global warming which has been happening for years is one example of the impact of deforestation. In conclusion,
people
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 should not destroy natural places just to get their resources, considering the negative impacts on life. In order to prevent that from happening, governments and energy companies have to take a step forward, think meticulously, and consider both advantages and disadvantages.

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task achievement
While your points are well-founded, try to delve a little deeper into counterarguments. This demonstrates a balanced exploration of the topic and strengthens your essay.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is generally cohesive, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the smooth transition between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure. The introduction effectively sets up the topic, and the conclusion nicely wraps up your argument.
task achievement
You use specific examples, such as the example of deforestation in Indonesia, to support your points effectively.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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