In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In some nations,
children
Use synonyms
are working for paid
work
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. Many people think
this
Linking Words
has no right,
while
Linking Words
some others argue
this
Linking Words
kind of
work
Use synonyms
can give the
children
Use synonyms
a meaningful
work
Use synonyms
experience
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.
Although
Linking Words
working as
children
Use synonyms
could help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get a job in the future, I believe that it should be a
crime
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regarding
Change preposition
to
show examples
child
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labour
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. On the one hand, working
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children
Change preposition
with children
show examples
could be a valuable
experience
Use synonyms
because it could help them to
beemployees
Correct your spelling
be employees
employees
after they finish school.
This
Linking Words
is because many
companies
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nowadays require their applicants to have several
years
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of working
experience
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, even for fresh graduates.
As a result
Linking Words
, with that
experience
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,
children
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could be looked after more by
companies
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because they fulfil one of the job's requirements.
For example
Linking Words
, big
companies
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like Unilever, BCG, ASTRA, and PwC in Indonesia only accept applicants who have several
years
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of internship
while
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they are still at school.
However
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, I believe
children
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can wait until they are legal or after the age of 17
years
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to start their first
work
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to find an
experience
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, making
children
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work
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and get paid is completely a wrong situation because it could lead to a
crime
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like
child
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labour
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.
This
Linking Words
is to say that people who are under 17
years
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old are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
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who do not have the responsibility to
work
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to get money.
Children
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's jobs are to learn and play
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
working is the responsibility of adults.
This
Linking Words
kind of rule is regulated by most countries, it can be said that
such
Linking Words
companies
Use synonyms
are frauds for not obeying
this
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regulation.
For example
Linking Words
,
'Besi
Correct article usage
the 'Besi
show examples
Kuat' Factory, a furniture factory production in West Java, Indonesia, was banned from the country in 2018
due to
Linking Words
child
Use synonyms
labour
Use synonyms
because they used
children
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near the factory to
work
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for them.
For
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this
Linking Words
reason, I believe that to make
children
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work
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can be defined as a
crime
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
some people think that working as a
child
Use synonyms
can give them valuable
experience
Use synonyms
because it could help them to get a job in the future, I believe that it is completely wrong because it can lead to
child
Use synonyms
labour
Use synonyms
crime
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ralitsa.zk on

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task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are generally well-supported. However, there are areas for improvement in conveying your ideas more comprehensively and clearly. Consider elaborating on your points to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's logical structure is effective, but ensure seamless transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words or phrases to enhance cohesion and make your argument more fluid.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views on the topic and provides a well-argued opinion, which is essential for Task Response. You effectively discuss benefits and drawbacks and support your stance with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The paragraphs are well-organized, and the essay follows a logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument from introduction to conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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