IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some countries sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#countries #sponsor #sports #people
Some
people
 believe that
sponsorship
 in sports, as a method of advertising, can have negative consequences,
while
 others believe it is positive. I believe that negative consequences can arise from
this
 trend,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it is up to the sporting teams and
events
 to ensure the companies that sponsor them are moral and ethical and
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 products they sell do not have negative consequences on society.
Firstly
, without
sponsorship
, many sporting competitions and
events
 could not operate. Large sporting
events
,
such
 as the FIFA World Cup or the Olympics, require millions of dollars to organise and coordinate, and sponsors provide a lot of
this
much needed
Add a hyphen
much-needed
show examples
 money. If there were no sponsors, the price of a spectator ticket would be extremely high as
this
 would be the only revenue to cover the costs of the event, and
as a result
, many
people
 could not afford to attend, which may leave the event organisers facing bankruptcy. On a smaller scale, many local children’s sporting
events
 and teams rely on local businesses for
sponsorship
.
For example
, when I was young, a local business supplied my
football
 team with jerseys and advertised their name and logo on the front of them. Without
this
sponsorship
, my
football
 club would not have been able to afford new
football
 jerseys each year for the players.
However
, there are some disadvantages which may occur when large sporting
events
 use
sponsorship
 from companies that produce products which have a negative impact on
people
 and society,
such
 as alcohol and tobacco companies. When young
people
 are exposed to certain advertising, they can easily develop a positive association with those products and start to use them. Imagine how many young
people
 could be influenced through watching the World Cup
football
 competition. In conclusion,
sponsorship
 in sports can have both positive and negative outcomes,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it is up to the sporting teams and
events
 to make sure that the sponsors they use will not have a negative influence on
people
 and society.
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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both sides of the argument and giving your own opinion. Be mindful of sentence structures to ensure clarity of expression.
coherence cohesion
Although your points are well-organized, try to use linking words and phrases effectively to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You supported your points with relevant, specific examples, which is excellent for illustrating your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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