Some people think that manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

It is contentious that commercial markets and manufacturing

facifilities

Correct your spelling

facilities

should cut back on the

products

Use synonyms

with packaging, whilst some presume that each customer should be responsible for buying less

that

Change preposition

of that

show examples

sort of

products

Use synonyms

dut

Correct your spelling

due

show examples

urgently

Change the word

urgent

show examples

environmental issues

such

Linking Words

soil

Change preposition

as soil

show examples

erosion and water contamination.

This

Linking Words

author partly holds a belief that

this

Linking Words

contributes mainly to shopping facilities which are the key production of

goods

Use synonyms

as well as

Linking Words

their pivotal roles in

atracting

Correct your spelling

attracting

people to buy less packaged

ones

Use synonyms

. Admittedly, producing facilities are

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

part and parcel of materials, which are provided to the consumers via numerous types of packaging and

this

Linking Words

also

Linking Words

an effective methodological way of advertising their

Use synonyms

products

Change the noun form

product

show examples

placements.

In other words

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

outside packing plays a vital role in incentivizing people

purchasing

Wrong verb form

to purchase

show examples

less or more

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

sorts of things. As a fact, it is the responsibility of those marketplaces to reduce the quantity of packaging

products

Use synonyms

sold at numerous shopping malls and supermarkets because

theu

Correct your spelling

they

can possibly drive

customers

Use synonyms

' attention, especially youngsters and seniors. Take Walmart as a prime example,

this

Linking Words

food-producing institution has managed to balance the profits by replacing packaging

goods

Use synonyms

with hands-on

ones

Use synonyms

by drawing a whole new advertisement for each. On top of that, it should not be forgotten that individuals should be responsible for their purchases. There can be no doubt that many consumers should

concern

Wrong verb form

be concerned

show examples

about the detrimental effects of

goods

Use synonyms

packaged on the environment.

Moreover

Linking Words

, there is a host of reasonable factors that lead them

using

Change the verb form

to use

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

conventional

ones

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as self-esteem and independence.

This

Linking Words

point may be valid because it depends on

customers

Use synonyms

' hobbies and awareness about the product that they paid for but not totally true at all

due to

Linking Words

the eye-catching advertisements from companies.

This

Linking Words

author strongly believes that manufacturers who are the major generation of

goods

Use synonyms

should produce less packaging

goods

Use synonyms

in order to address the environmental issues. As far as a majority of residents are easily controlled by visual images that appear on packaging materials, the producers can utilise the empty space of covers to inform the

customers

Use synonyms

about the

products

Use synonyms

and generally alter the packaging

Use synonyms

ones

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

to hand-takeaway

ones

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, I would put great stress on

responsibility

Add an article

the responsibility

show examples

of commercial markets because of their

influnce

Correct your spelling

influence

Use synonyms

customers

Change noun form

customers'

customer's

show examples

behaviours.

Thus

Linking Words

, they should consider cutting back on packaging

products

Use synonyms

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Jun 14, 2024

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task achievement

Your essay addresses both sides of the argument and you provide your own opinion, which is essential for a complete response. However, you need to make your main points clearer and more comprehensive.

task achievement

Your argument would benefit from clearer explanations and more detailed examples. Some parts are a little vague, and this can detract from the overall clarity of your essay.

coherence cohesion

While your essay has a logical structure, there are some parts where the ideas could be linked more effectively. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs can be smoother.

coherence cohesion

Be careful with repetitive phrasing and ensure each sentence contributes something new to your argument.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to spelling and grammar mistakes. Errors like 'facifilities' instead of 'facilities' and 'attracting' instead of 'atracting' can be distracting and impact your score.

coherence cohesion

You’ve included both an introduction and conclusion, framing your essay well.

task achievement

Using specific examples like Walmart to support your points helps strengthen your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

384 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

excessive packaging
plastic waste
environmental impact
sustainable production
consumption
eco-friendly lifestyle
raise awareness
informed choices
personal carbon footprint
prioritize environmental sustainability
reduce packaging waste

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Some people think that manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

; --- Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.