Some people think that manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.
It is contentious that commercial markets and manufacturing
facifilities
should cut back on the Correct your spelling
facilities
products
with packaging, whilst some presume that each customer should be responsible for buying less that
sort of Change preposition
of that
products
dut
to Correct your spelling
due
urgently
environmental issues Change the word
urgent
such
soil
erosion and water contamination. Change preposition
as soil
This
author partly holds a belief that this
contributes mainly to shopping facilities which are the key production of goods
as well as
their pivotal roles in atracting
people to buy less packaged Correct your spelling
attracting
ones
.
Admittedly, producing facilities are the
part and parcel of materials, which are provided to the consumers via numerous types of packaging and Correct article usage
apply
this
is also
an effective methodological way of advertising their products
placements. Change the noun form
product
In other words
, the
outside packing plays a vital role in incentivizing people Correct article usage
apply
purchasing
less or more Wrong verb form
to purchase
their
sorts of things. As a fact, it is the responsibility of those marketplaces to reduce the quantity of packaging Change preposition
of their
products
sold at numerous shopping malls and supermarkets because theu
can possibly drive Correct your spelling
they
customers
' attention, especially youngsters and seniors. Take Walmart as a prime example, this
food-producing institution has managed to balance the profits by replacing packaging goods
with hands-on ones
by drawing a whole new advertisement for each.
On top of that, it should not be forgotten that individuals should be responsible for their purchases. There can be no doubt that many consumers should concern
about the detrimental effects of Wrong verb form
be concerned
goods
packaged on the environment. Moreover
, there is a host of reasonable factors that lead them using
Change the verb form
to use
the
conventional Correct article usage
apply
ones
such
as self-esteem and independence. This
point may be valid because it depends on customers
' hobbies and awareness about the product that they paid for but not totally true at all due to
the eye-catching advertisements from companies.
This
author strongly believes that manufacturers who are the major generation of goods
should produce less packaging goods
in order to address the environmental issues. As far as a majority of residents are easily controlled by visual images that appear on packaging materials, the producers can utilise the empty space of covers to inform the customers
about the products
and generally alter the packaging ones
to hand-takeaway Correct pronoun usage
apply
ones
.
In conclusion, I would put great stress on responsibility
of commercial markets because of their Add an article
the responsibility
influnce
on Correct your spelling
influence
customers
behaviours. Change noun form
customers'
customer's
Thus
, they should consider cutting back on packaging products
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument and you provide your own opinion, which is essential for a complete response. However, you need to make your main points clearer and more comprehensive.
task achievement
Your argument would benefit from clearer explanations and more detailed examples. Some parts are a little vague, and this can detract from the overall clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, there are some parts where the ideas could be linked more effectively. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs can be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with repetitive phrasing and ensure each sentence contributes something new to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar mistakes. Errors like 'facifilities' instead of 'facilities' and 'attracting' instead of 'atracting' can be distracting and impact your score.
coherence cohesion
You’ve included both an introduction and conclusion, framing your essay well.
task achievement
Using specific examples like Walmart to support your points helps strengthen your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example