IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The only way to improve safety in our roads is to give stricter punishment for driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#safety #roads #punishment #offenses
In order to improve safety
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 roads, the only way is said to be to implement more intense abuse for those people offending driving regulations. The author strongly disagrees with
this
 statement, indicating inefficiency, educational advocacy and public support as strong evidence. Central to
this
 issue is the productivity of greater punishment. It should be self-evident that human beings possess intrinsic deception,
in other words
, they would invent numerous approaches in order to get away with their crimes.
Therefore
, even with stricter laws, the natural behaviour of humankind would eliminate their efficiency in the long run. Take
for example
, Ho Chi Minh City in Viet Nam has implemented strong regulations regarding driving offences since 2000 but no decrease has been seen in the number of traffic congestion. One should
also
 consider utilising education
in enhancing
Change preposition
to enhance
show examples
 safety. It should be clear to all observers that educational programmes can have a profound impact on the thinking of teenagers who are, for the most part, the culprits of many collisions.
Therefore
,
this
 method can operate effectively at the expense of fully minimized effort and time compared with stricter punishment. Reference for
this
 case can be found in New Zealand where education is playing an indispensable role in regulating driving offences. Another point
that is
 worth mentioning is the involvement of the public. Regular residents should be aware that their participation in propagating the need for safe travel can
also
 be regarded as a crucial component.
Consequently
,
this
 could partly ease the roam of drunk drivers on the roads, creating a better environment for traffic flow. The "Fighting For Life" campaign in Russia could serve as a prime example for
this
 statement where ordinary citizens participate in spreading the idea of risk-free travelling, leading to an evident reduction in accidents.
Thus
, there is abundant evidence including ineffectiveness, educational support and individual advocacy proving stricter punishment is unnecessary.
Therefore
,
this
 writer argues that retribution is not the only way to improve safety and there are way better approaches.
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task achievement
Ensure all points are directly answering the question. While the essay covers important aspects, not all arguments clearly relate to the increase in punishment for driving offenses.
coherence cohesion
Consider making connections between paragraphs clearer. For instance, explicitly mention how each point contradicts the idea that stricter punishment is the 'only way' to improve road safety.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overcomplex sentences that might confuse the reader. Simple and direct sentences often convey ideas more effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples which bolster its arguments well, such as the cases in Ho Chi Minh City, New Zealand, and Russia.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, framing the discussion nicely and providing a strong start and finish.
coherence cohesion
Each main point is supported adequately, showing a well-rounded discussion on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • traffic violations
  • road infrastructure
  • public transportation
  • awareness campaigns
  • technological advancements
  • automatic braking systems
  • speed cameras
  • traffic monitoring
  • education and training programs
  • driving habits
  • balanced approach
  • strict enforcement
  • preventative measures
  • road safety
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