The only way to improve safety in our roads is to give stricter punishment for driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In order to improve safety

Change preposition

show examples

roads, the only way is said to be to implement more intense abuse for those people offending driving regulations. The author strongly disagrees with

this

statement, indicating inefficiency, educational advocacy and public support as strong evidence. Central to

this

issue is the productivity of greater punishment. It should be self-evident that human beings possess intrinsic deception,

in other words

, they would invent numerous approaches in order to get away with their crimes.

Therefore

, even with stricter laws, the natural behaviour of humankind would eliminate their efficiency in the long run. Take

for example

, Ho Chi Minh City in Viet Nam has implemented strong regulations regarding driving offences since 2000 but no decrease has been seen in the number of traffic congestion. One should

also

consider utilising education

in enhancing

Change preposition

to enhance

show examples

safety. It should be clear to all observers that educational programmes can have a profound impact on the thinking of teenagers who are, for the most part, the culprits of many collisions.

Therefore

this

method can operate effectively at the expense of fully minimized effort and time compared with stricter punishment. Reference for

this

case can be found in New Zealand where education is playing an indispensable role in regulating driving offences. Another point

that is

worth mentioning is the involvement of the public. Regular residents should be aware that their participation in propagating the need for safe travel can

also

be regarded as a crucial component.

Consequently

this

could partly ease the roam of drunk drivers on the roads, creating a better environment for traffic flow. The "Fighting For Life" campaign in Russia could serve as a prime example for

this

statement where ordinary citizens participate in spreading the idea of risk-free travelling, leading to an evident reduction in accidents.

Thus

, there is abundant evidence including ineffectiveness, educational support and individual advocacy proving stricter punishment is unnecessary.

Therefore

this

writer argues that retribution is not the only way to improve safety and there are way better approaches.

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task achievement

Ensure all points are directly answering the question. While the essay covers important aspects, not all arguments clearly relate to the increase in punishment for driving offenses.

coherence cohesion

Consider making connections between paragraphs clearer. For instance, explicitly mention how each point contradicts the idea that stricter punishment is the 'only way' to improve road safety.

coherence cohesion

Avoid overcomplex sentences that might confuse the reader. Simple and direct sentences often convey ideas more effectively.

task achievement

The essay provides relevant and specific examples which bolster its arguments well, such as the cases in Ho Chi Minh City, New Zealand, and Russia.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, framing the discussion nicely and providing a strong start and finish.

coherence cohesion

Each main point is supported adequately, showing a well-rounded discussion on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

333 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

deterrent
traffic violations
road infrastructure
public transportation
awareness campaigns
technological advancements
automatic braking systems
speed cameras
traffic monitoring
education and training programs
driving habits
balanced approach
strict enforcement
preventative measures
road safety

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The only way to improve safety in our roads is to give stricter punishment for driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country., while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and giye your opinion.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

The importance of biodiversity is being more widely recognised as increasingnumbers of species come under threat. What can be done to maintain biodiversity?