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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that technological development has made life complex. The only possible solution it not to use technology to live a simpler life. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #development #life #technology
Technology
 has become an important part of human life in the twenty-first century. Humans seem to rely on
technology
 for their life. The rapid development of
technology
 helps
people
's
lives
 to become easier and more efficient in various aspects.
Technology
 helps the life of
people
. By using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
,
people
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 do activities efficiently.
For example
, we could pay for our meals, buy our clothes, watch movies, or even use public transport by using a smartphone only. The development of
technology
 makes everything could be done faster and more efficient.
Technology
also
 helps
people
 to connect with each other in
another part
Fix the agreement mistake
other parts
show examples
 of the world through social media. Before the social media era was founded,
people
 needed a very long time to send a message to each other. With the help of
technology
, we can learn a lot of new things outside of our worlds. Not only in our daily
lives
,
technology
also
 helps
people
 to improve their
lives
. The usage of
technology
 in the medical field helps doctors to give better and more accurate diagnoses to their patients. In some developed countries,
technology
 is already used to help the operation process. It found that using machines in the operation process could reduce the probability of human error because machines are more precise in detail.
Moreover
, a study found that the
technology
 used in health has a positive and significant effect on health conditions. In summary,
technology
 has an important influence on human behaviour. The development of
technology
 creates a more efficient in our daily
lives
. Not only help
people
's
lives
, but
technology
also
 has a positive impact in improving
people
's
lives
.
Submitted by dimitriswasthika on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical flow in arguments and make clear connections between points to improve coherence.
task achievement
Expand on and clarify examples to enhance task achievement.
task achievement
Include counterarguments or address opposing views for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, highlighting the main points effectively.
task achievement
Relevant examples such as those in medical advancements are used to support points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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