It is often said that it is not necessary to have a tertiary education to become a successful businessman. To what extent to you agree or disagree with this statement?
The majority of people believe that those who do not attend universities can normally become successful entrepreneurs.
This
writer totally disagrees with the statement that individuals have insufficient specific knowledge related to their jobs and have fewer opportunities to gain essential contacts.
It can be recognized that a variety of occupations require academic information which can be taught at universities. Besides
, if individuals do not attend higher education after graduating from high school, they will not have sufficient knowledge that is
compulsory for their job requirements. It is reported that theory
that teachers illustrate at educational Correct article usage
the theory
institution
is frequently necessary for learners to put in practical purposes, especially for their dream jobs; Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
consequently
, they can not be responsible for their job requirements when they do not go to academy
.
Another point that can be considered is that learners are able to run a higher risk of losing their vital contacts if they reject to go to educational Add an article
the academy
an academy
institution
. Obviously, when they pursue higher education, they can have a chance to study abroad so that they can improve their values. Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
As a consequence
, they are more likely to attract more high-value carrying contacts with other entrepreneurs. As a result
, they will lose their chance to develop their careers.
In conclusion, it can be easily claimed that if individuals want to become successful businessmen, they are forced to attend tertiary education because learners have to learn specific theory
for their job requirements and gain more opportunities to attain high-value carrying collaboration with other people.Fix the agreement mistake
theories
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coherence
You have a clear structure in your essay with a proper introduction and conclusion. However, the thesis statement could be more definitive. Try to state your position more clearly in the introduction.
task achievement
Ensure you provide more specific examples to back up your points. For example, mention successful entrepreneurs who benefited from tertiary education. This would strengthen your argument.
cohesion
Avoid repetition and strive for varied vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'educational institution,' try synonyms like 'university' or 'college.'
coherence
Your essay has a logical structure with well-defined paragraphs that address different points supporting your thesis.
task achievement
You clearly express your main points, and your arguments are easy to understand.
coherence
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points of your essay, reinforcing your overall argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?