Poverty is a problem that affects the majority of children these days. Discuss the effects of poverty on society and suggest some solutions to this problem.

#poverty #majority #children #effects #society

Nowadays, it is no longer a secret that

poverty

has affected many

children

in various aspects. Whether it was from

social

Add an article

the social

a social

show examples

perspective or

health

Correct article usage

a health

show examples

issue,

this

problem should be

further

discussed to find good solutions.

This

essay will provide my suggestions on how the society should tackle

this

matter. To be in

this

current world, it is inevitable for some

people

to experience

poverty

due to

the inherited system which has long

applied

Add a missing verb

been applied

show examples

from the past generation.

For example

people

who

are coming

Wrong verb form

come

show examples

from poor families will have a lower expectancy of life, meaning they usually only live to survive for a day. Let alone

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

think about the family welfare, just

Change preposition

apply

show examples

figuring out what to eat during the day is

such

a difficult task.

Hence

children

from very low to zero income will have no good education or even become unhealthy.

Poverty

is not a simple problem to be solved. It was a systemic problem,

therefore

, it needed strategic solutions from the governments to the communities. First and foremost, a family should have one or two persons who productively work, in order for the

children

to grow

Change preposition

up in

show examples

a healthy environment.

Therefore

, creating a job opportunity will help

people

have a decent job.

However

, job creation will not be enough, they should

also

be equipped with relevant skills to attract the employer.

Secondly

, communities could

also

be a great help in establishing a supportive environment where

people

can help each other.

Finally

, my conclusion and suggestion for

this

issue is

for

Change preposition

that

show examples

everyone in the ecosystem can collectively

supporting

Wrong verb form

support

show examples

each other to prevent

children

in the future

to experience

Change preposition

from experiencing

show examples

poverty

. Surely it is not an easy journey, but it will be worth the effort.

Submitted by jermias.darondo89 on Fri Jun 14 2024

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task response

You did a good job discussing the effects of poverty and suggesting solutions, but providing more specific examples would strengthen your essay. For instance, mention specific programs or policies that have worked in combating poverty in different countries.

coherence cohesion

Ensure you maintain consistency in your arguments. For example, while suggesting that governments should create job opportunities, also delve into how this can be practically achieved, such as through vocational training or education reform.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction clearly sets the purpose of the essay, and the conclusion effectively wraps up your arguments while providing a solid suggestion.

logical structure

The essay maintains a logical structure throughout, making it easy for the reader to follow your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Poverty is a problem that affects the majority of children these days. Discuss the effects of poverty on society and suggest some solutions to this problem.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The money spent by governments on space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

art and music are considred some of the fundamental elements of all societies, and some suggest that hildren should learn them at school. Do you think art and music still have a place in today;s modern wordl of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school ?

For school children, teacher have more influence on their intellectual and social development than parents do. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?