Poverty is a problem that affects the majority of children these days. Discuss the effects of poverty on society and suggest some solutions to this problem.

#poverty #majority #children #effects #society

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Nowadays, it is no longer a secret that

poverty

Use synonyms

has affected many

children

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in various aspects. Whether it was from

social

Add an article

the social

a social

show examples

perspective or

health

Correct article usage

a health

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issue,

this

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problem should be

further

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discussed to find good solutions.

This

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essay will provide my suggestions on how the society should tackle

this

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matter. To be in

this

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current world, it is inevitable for some

people

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to experience

poverty

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due to

Linking Words

the inherited system which has long

applied

Add a missing verb

been applied

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from the past generation.

For example

Linking Words

people

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who

are coming

Wrong verb form

come

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from poor families will have a lower expectancy of life, meaning they usually only live to survive for a day. Let alone

Fix the infinitive

apply

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think about the family welfare, just

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apply

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figuring out what to eat during the day is

such

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a difficult task.

Hence

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children

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from very low to zero income will have no good education or even become unhealthy.

Poverty

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is not a simple problem to be solved. It was a systemic problem,

therefore

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, it needed strategic solutions from the governments to the communities. First and foremost, a family should have one or two persons who productively work, in order for the

children

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to grow

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up in

show examples

a healthy environment.

Therefore

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, creating a job opportunity will help

people

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have a decent job.

However

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, job creation will not be enough, they should

also

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be equipped with relevant skills to attract the employer.

Secondly

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, communities could

also

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be a great help in establishing a supportive environment where

people

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can help each other.

Finally

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, my conclusion and suggestion for

this

Linking Words

issue is

for

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that

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everyone in the ecosystem can collectively

supporting

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support

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each other to prevent

children

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in the future

to experience

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from experiencing

show examples

poverty

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. Surely it is not an easy journey, but it will be worth the effort.

Submitted by jermias.darondo89 on Fri Jun 14 2024

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task response

You did a good job discussing the effects of poverty and suggesting solutions, but providing more specific examples would strengthen your essay. For instance, mention specific programs or policies that have worked in combating poverty in different countries.

coherence cohesion

Ensure you maintain consistency in your arguments. For example, while suggesting that governments should create job opportunities, also delve into how this can be practically achieved, such as through vocational training or education reform.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction clearly sets the purpose of the essay, and the conclusion effectively wraps up your arguments while providing a solid suggestion.

logical structure

The essay maintains a logical structure throughout, making it easy for the reader to follow your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

285 words

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Poverty is a problem that affects the majority of children these days. Discuss the effects of poverty on society and suggest some solutions to this problem.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people prefer to go to health clubs and gyms for health care, some say the walking and climbing stairs are more effective. Discuss both vies and give your opinion.

Some argue that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should perform in the place where they accomplished their training, while others think that they should be allowed to work freely where they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

should the governments make decisions about peoples lifestyle , or should people make their own decisions?What is your Opinion?

Some people think that the increase in international travel has a negative impact on the environment and should be restricted. To what extent you agree or disagree?