IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money, Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern
society
, parts of the population believe that accepting a bad
situation
such
 as a lack of money or a displeasing job is a wise choice,
while
 others think that effort should be made to make a difference. From my perspective,
people
 need to try to make the
situation
 brighter. On the one hand, it is important for
people
 to Strive for a comfortable
life
 for themselves.
People
's lives are limited, so not trying to live a comfortable
life
 is not a wise decision. When
people
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 up trying and accepting a bad
situation
, is only a temporary satisfaction which it brings.
However
, in contemporary
society
, it is money and power which could make
people
 live a comfortable
life
 with sustainability. A decent job and a promising future are what it needs, which will only come when
people
 strive for it.
In addition
, complacency in an unsatisfactory
situation
 is bad for the
society
 either.
People
’s motivation will be decreased making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 less creative, which will not be helpful to the development of mankind.
On the other hand
, overcoming difficulties is
also
 a crucial process to the access to success.
People
 all face bad situations occasionally,
however
, those who succeed at
last
, are those who did not choose to accept. To show a person’s value is not by giving up to the cruel realistic, but by facing it bravely and trying to make a difference. In conclusion,
although
 some believe that giving up on the realistic is the best choice.
However
, I believe to live a comfortable
life
 or even achieve something, striving to improve the
situation
 is the best way
people
 have.
Submitted by 18310971390 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance the logical structure, consider providing more specific examples to support your main points, which will make your arguments more robust.
task achievement
Make sure to maintain consistency in your arguments and avoid assumptions. Expanding on some ideas with relevant examples will strengthen your response. Also, refine your language and grammar to improve clarity.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view of both perspectives and provided a clear opinion in the conclusion, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, providing a framework that guides the reader through your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
Look at other essays: