IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people claim that all zoos should be closed, while others claim that zoos have a positive impact. Discuss both views and gove your opinion.

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In the past few decades, there has been a profound increase in the number of individuals questioning the necessity of
zoos
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. On one side of the spectrum, there are those who believe that keeping
animals
Use synonyms
 in the zoo has contributed to our understanding of the animal kingdom.
However
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, others, including myself, strongly oppose
this
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 view and
instead
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 believe that a zoo is merely a place of animal cruelty.
To begin
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, there is an argument to be made that
zoos
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 have allowed for scientific advancement
on
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in
show examples
 animal studies and
education
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.
For instance
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, scientists have been able to document endangered snow leopard mating and feeding behaviours, which later
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to the development of protection programmes.
For
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this
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 reason, it is clearly evident that keeping
animals
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 in an enclosure is highly valuable to animal studies, as
this
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 can contribute to our
knowledge
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as well as
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 animal conservation. What is more, the general consensus amongst educators is that
zoos
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 are an exceptional place for children to gain exposure and an understanding of rare and exotic animal species,
otherwise
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 they would only see these precious creatures in textbooks and on TV.
This
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 being the case, it is not unreasonable to assume that if
zoos
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 were to close, our
knowledge
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 of wild
animals
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 would be limited and our children’s valuable
education
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 would be significantly harmed.
Nonetheless
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, despite the fact that
zoos
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 can provide crucial
knowledge
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 and
education
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 on
animals
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, there is a growing body of evidence to suggest that animal cruelty stemming from these enclosures is a significant issue that cannot be overlooked. To illustrate
this
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 point, two pandas gifted from China to Germany both died in 2008
due to
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 their maladaptation to the new zoo.
Therefore
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, it is undeniable that forcing
animals
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 to live in an unnatural habitat is a form of torture, providing no benefit nor protection to an already endangered species.
Furthermore
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, even if these
animals
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 were to survive, keeping
animals
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 in
cavity
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cavities
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 is a complete disregard
of
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for
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 animal welfare and often leads to depression and self-harming behaviour in these creatures. With
this
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 in mind, there is no doubt that if
zoos
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 continue to stay open, more
animals
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 will suffer and precious lives will be lost, merely in the name of science.
To conclude
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 from the aforementioned discussion, whilst some are under the impression that
zoos
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 provide valuable
knowledge
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 and
education
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 in animal studies, others, myself included, strongly believe that these institutions are built on the cruelty and sacrifice of
animals
Use synonyms
 in
cavity
Fix the agreement mistake
cavities
show examples
. From my perspective, I am of the fierce belief that
animals
Use synonyms
 deserve the same rights as humans and must have an undisturbed life in their own habitats.

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coherence
Consider using varied sentence structures to enhance readability and interest. Although the essay is cohesive, adding more transitional phrases between some of the ideas could improve flow.
task response
Ensure that your arguments for each viewpoint are balanced in length and depth. This will help to present a more impartial discussion before arriving at your own opinion.
structure
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a well-rounded conclusion.
task response
Ideas are clearly presented and logically flow from one point to the next. The use of specific examples, like the pandas in Germany, strengthens the argument.
language
The language used is sophisticated and largely error-free, demonstrating a strong command of English.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Endangered species
  • Breeding programs
  • Wildlife conservation
  • Educational opportunities
  • Animal welfare
  • Natural habitats
  • Ethical considerations
  • Human entertainment
  • Economic benefits
  • Tourism revenue
  • Veterinary care
  • Conservation techniques
  • Animal behavior
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