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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart show what makes people most happy for two different age groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart show what makes people most happy for two different age groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #people #two #age #groups #information #features #comparisons
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There are
two
Use synonyms
 pie charts that demonstrate
comparison
Add an article
a comparison
show examples
 of the events that make people most happy, in
two
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 - under 30 and over 30. For
best
Add an article
the best
show examples
 understanding of
factors
Use synonyms
 that make people happy it would be convenient to divide them
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
two
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
. The first one includes the same
factors
Use synonyms
 like achievement at work, doing hobbies and other
factors
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
group
Add a comma
group,
show examples
 we can see almost the same percentage at the same parts of
pie
Add an article
the pie
show examples
. Achievement at work - 31% and 32% respectively; doing hobbies - 22% and 24% respectively. There is another sector that
called
Add a missing verb
is called
show examples
 "other
factors
Use synonyms
" and it takes 14% and 10% respectively. In the second
Use synonyms
group
Add a comma
group,
show examples
 we can see the difference between
Use synonyms
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 age
groups
Use synonyms
. For young people one of the paramount parts of their lives is a good appearance (with 18%), and for
elder
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
 age
groups
Use synonyms
 financial security takes the same place with 20%. The
last
Linking Words
 part of
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 travelling in the youngest
group
Use synonyms
 with 15%, and being with family in the elderly
group
Use synonyms
 with 14%.
Submitted by anastasia on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words two, groups, factors, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • illustrates
  • contributing factors
  • distinct age groups
  • primary sources
  • comprising
  • leading contributors
  • predominant
  • accounting for
  • underscores contrasts
  • prioritize
  • universal aspects of well-being
  • engaging in enjoyable activities
  • source of joy
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