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Band 5.5

Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #people’s #health
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over “ Should it be possible for
people
 to live in big
cities
”. In my opinion, I believe that living in big
cities
 can bring many decent advantages and it can have disadvantages too. Without a shadow of a doubt, Living in big
cities
 can help
people
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have many opportunities for jobs, relationships and trying new things. Because big
cities
 have many enterprises which can change
people
's lives or work.
For example
, when
people
 work in a company like Google
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 Apple, they can learn new knowledge about technical or technology or can revamp their positions in the future if they try their best and they can meet talented
people
 in that company who can help them to achieve their goal and
also
 motivate relationships in between.
Hence
, it is integral for
people
 to live in big
cities
.
On the other hand
, living in big
cities
 is widely acknowledged, but its downside still
linger
Change the verb form
lingers
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. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 big
cities
 have so many cars and motorbikes or even factories that
cause
 tremendous impacts on human life.
For instance
, nowadays cars and motorbikes release too much carbon dioxide which can
cause
 respiratory diseases in humans. And for one real example, our factories produce a large number of
productions
Replace the word
products
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 which can help our economic growth but it releases many wastes
to
Change preposition
into
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 the river which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 water problems.
Thus
,
although
 living in big
cities
 has so many upsides, it potentially has many downsides. In conclusion, Living in big
cities
 is vital for
people
 to learn new knowledge or experience a new lifestyle.
However
, the disadvantages still exist which
cause
 many bad situations in humans.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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logical structure
To improve your logical structure, ensure that your ideas flow more seamlessly from one paragraph to the next. Use more diverse linking words and phrases to enhance the cohesion of your essay.
relevant specific examples
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
clear comprehensive ideas
Enhance your ideas with additional details and explanations to make them clearer and more comprehensive.
complete response
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt. You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of living in big cities.
introduction conclusion present
You have structured your essay logically with an appropriate introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments.
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