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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #people #five #european #countries #unemployment #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart delineates how many adolescents who are
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 15 and 24 did not have an occupation and the total
number
Use synonyms
 of unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 in five distinct European nations in 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
unemployment
Use synonyms
 rate among 15-24-year-old
people
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were
Change the verb form
was
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 far higher than the total
number
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 in all countries.
In addition
Linking Words
, the figure for
Poland
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Poland's
show examples
unemployment
Use synonyms
 had by far the the highest
number
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 throughout the period and the reverse was true for that of Denmark. The proportion of unemployed
people
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 in Poland
initiated
Verb problem
increased
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at
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by
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 more than 35%,
at
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apply
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which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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saw a vigorous decline in the
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
total
unemployment
Use synonyms
 rate in the same country
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 exactly 15%. Regarding Italy’s and Hungary’s data,
while
Linking Words
 they had a comparative homogenous point in the figure for
overall
Linking Words
unemployment
Use synonyms
 at approximately 8%, they were different in the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who did not have a job between the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 of 15 to 24 years old at under 25% and more than 15% equivalently. Nearly 15% of Germany’s
people
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did
Correct pronoun usage
who did
show examples
 not have an occupation were in the
mid range
Add a hyphen
mid-range
show examples
 age of 15 to 24 years old, compared to a lower
number
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 at precisely 10% of total unemployed
people
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 in the same nation. A similar change can be seen in the proportion of Denmark’s rate, more than 5%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 were unoccupied, which doubled the
overall
Linking Words
unemployment
Use synonyms
 ratio in
this
Linking Words
 country.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, unemployment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rate
  • youth unemployment
  • overall unemployment
  • comparison
  • percentage
  • aged between
  • economic conditions
  • educational system
  • vocational training
  • long-term impacts
  • policy changes
  • job training programs
  • disparity
  • national unemployment rates
  • European countries
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