IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the ancient eras, the public did not have medical facilities and the average life was about 60 years per person. With modern medical technologies and public awareness, humans are getting health-sensitive and eating the best foods. I completely disagree with the given notion.
This
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 essay will discuss why people's fitness will not be affected in future.
Firstly
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,
due to
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 advanced medical research in
this
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 field, the nation is getting good medications. So if they are sick, they go to get treatments from the hospitals promptly. Another factor is that gents are health-sensitive
due to
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 public awareness,
such
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 as the Internet and social media. These platforms are playing a vital role in society.
For example
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, several website owners publish energy topics on their sites and teach the community how they can have a good healthy life.
As a result
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, patients do not suffer from any serious diseases.
Secondly
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, the other reason is that gents are becoming environmentally friendly and they are planting trees in their gardens as well near the bank of the roads.
Such
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 as folks inhaling Oxygen and making strong their lungs.
In addition
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, scientists are developing new medicines day by day. Recently COVID-19, medicine was invented by these honourable researchers and saved millions of people on the earth.
As a consequence
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, less pressure on the medical system and the Government saved a huge amount of money and that money the Authorities used well-being of citizens. In conclusion,
on the other hand
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, the community eat junk food and lacks exercise, but it does not outweigh good well-being. For inventions of medicine and social media, everybody wants to live a good life which is disease free and the Governments are
also
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 supporting the population by organising a number of seminars. It is predicted that in the future society will be more fitness-conscious and live luxurious lives.

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task achievement
Your response is generally complete and addresses the task effectively. However, try to focus more on clearer and more specific examples to fully support your points. For instance, expand on how platforms like social media have impacted health awareness with specific instances.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a logical structure, try to ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Adding linking words or phrases would help connect your ideas better. For example, instead of just starting a new thought, use connectors like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'Consequently,' to make the text flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and effectively framed, which sets a good foundation and closure for your essay.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, and you provide logical reasons for your standpoint, which showcases your critical thinking abilities.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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