IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Nowadays women have full-time work as same as men. And logically men should share the household equally with women. To what do you agree or disagree?

#women #work #men #household
It is true that female employees have full-time
work
that is
 identical to that of males. People have different views about whether males should contribute equally to domestic chores as females. I agree with
this
 opinion.   There are several main reasons why males should
share
 the
household
 equally with females.
Firstly
, the traditional gender roles where
women
 are primarily responsible for
household
 chores are unjust. It is fair to
share
 domestic duties equally when both partners contribute equally to the
household
 income.
Secondly
, equal sharing of
household
 tasks leads to healthier and more harmonious relationships. It prevents the overburdening of one partner, usually the woman, and fosters a sense of teamwork and respect.
For example
, if a family has children, the mother is under more physical and mental pressure to care for them.
Thus
, involving
men
 in
household
work
 sets a positive example for children, promoting gender equality for future generations.  
However
, some people disagree that
men
share
household
 responsibilities equally with
women
. There is a belief among some people that
women
 are naturally more suited to
household
 tasks and child-rearing,
while
men
 are superior to external
work
.
Women
 have the advantage of outnumbering
men
 because they are naturally more attentive and warmer.
Additionally
,
men
 may earn significantly more than
women
, creating more practical situations for females to handle
household
 tasks.
Additionally
, some individuals adhere to traditional gender roles, where they perceive
men
 as breadwinners and
women
 as homemakers.   In conclusion, both genders should equally
share
household
work
 at home because they have the same amount of time.
Submitted by 842623369 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Your introduction is clear and states your position well. However, it would be stronger if it also briefly mentioned the counter-argument you plan to discuss.
conclusion
Your conclusion could be more compelling. Consider summarizing the key points you made in the essay and reinforcing your stance.
coherence
To improve coherence, use transitional phrases to better connect your points. For example, use "Furthermore" or "Moreover" to add additional reasons and "On the other hand" for contrasting points.
examples
Expand on your examples and make them more specific. This will help in reinforcing your arguments and making them more persuasive.
task response
You’ve provided valid reasons for your opinion and have shown the ability to consider both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
clear ideas
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, addressing the topic well.
coherence
You have a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • mutual respect
  • work-life balance
  • traditional gender roles
  • equitable distribution
  • shared responsibilities
  • modern values
  • child development
  • physical and mental load
  • household chores
  • stereotypes
  • fairness
  • conflict resolution
  • responsibility sharing
  • collaborative effort
What to do next:
Look at other essays: