IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

n developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There are many debates about helping
children
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 in some small villages to have the chance to
study
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. Some individuals think that to tackle the issues, the government should supply more
schools
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 and
teachers
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.
However
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, others believe that providing technology devices
such
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 as
computers
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 and network systems can be a more ideal solution. In
this
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 essay, I will consider both points of view and present my perspective.
To begin
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 with, one of the biggest reasons why the authorities should construct more
schools
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 is because
this
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 will bring benefits for
students
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 who live in terrain areas and struggling roads. Nearby
schools
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 allow local
children
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 to have the opportunity to approach education more easily.
For instance
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,
children
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 in rural communities in Vietnam have to spend about 1-2 hours walking to school through very dangerous roads.
Moreover
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, providing more
teachers
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 should be an essential requirement for rural
students
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due to
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 the fact that the majority of their parents do not have enough knowledge to teach them as they did not have the chance to
study
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 in the past.
As a result
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,
teachers
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 are guidance and help
children
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study
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 more effectively.
However
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, tuition fees can be a huge problem as most families living in small villages have low outcomes and can not afford the amount of money for studying.
Conversely
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, saving the budget can be the biggest reason for supplying
computers
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 and Internet access for
children
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 living in rural communities.
Computers
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 and network systems offer
for
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apply
show examples
students
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 diverse learning resources and educational tools without paying any fees.
For example
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, e-books
or
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apply
show examples
also
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 known as online books give
students
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 the opportunity to read any kind of book
such
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 as historical or fairy tales freely.
In addition
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, it will be more convenient for rural
students
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 to have
computers
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 to
study
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due to
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 the fact that we can quickly find online learning platforms and educational programs on the internet. One of the excellent examples is some free online courses on Youtube which help
students
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 to access education more easily and do not cost them any money.
Although
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 studying by yourself can be difficult as
computers
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 have many entertainment platforms, it will require
students
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 to have self-discipline skills. To illustrate, nowadays, some teenagers can be distracted by video games and forget to do important activities
such
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 as finishing their homework. In conclusion, building
schools
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 and having more
teachers
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 can help
children
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lessen the distance between homes and
schools
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 and
also
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 help them
study
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 more efficiently.
However
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, I believe
equiping
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equipping
remoted
Correct your spelling
remote
show examples
 learners and
teacher
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teachers
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 with internet-connected
computers
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 might tackle
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this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses clearly on a single point. The first and second body paragraphs, while informative, can be more concise and not repeat points.
task achievement
Strengthen your main points with specific and varied examples that support your argument thoroughly. Use examples that are more detailed and directly applicable.
task achievement
Maintain a formal tone throughout and avoid conversational phrases like 'nowadays'. It will make your essay sound more polished and academic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states both views and the writer’s intention to discuss each one before giving an opinion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively restates the main arguments and provides the writer’s opinion in a concise manner.
task achievement
Demonstrates an understanding of the task by discussing both perspectives and providing a clear opinion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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