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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, as a part of the educational process, students work at a company for a short period of time without pay. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days, for relations between industries, universities, and colleges,
so
Correct word choice
apply
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students must spend the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 at manufacturers without income.
While
Linking Words
 there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
internships
Use synonyms
, I still believe that cannot overshadow the benefits. On the one hand, there are some merits of internship.
Firstly
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, your college introduces you to the factory,
then
Linking Words
 you can get new experiences, so you can choose your career better than past.
Secondly
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, you might obtain
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job so that when you go to the industry and get your responsibility very good,
then
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 you open new opportunities for yourself. To illustrate, Microsoft for
internships
Use synonyms
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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 some students;
furthermore
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, if they
work
Use synonyms
 very well
finally
Linking Words
, they will be
joined
Wrong verb form
join
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
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Microsoft.
On the other hand
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, the demerits of
internships
Use synonyms
 are varied. if you have student
work
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 at
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 you cannot
work
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, you lose your own occupation.
Also
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, at
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 you do not have any money, and you have to spend
saving
Verb problem
apply
show examples
money, for you
work
Use synonyms
 for
factory
Correct article usage
a factory
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 without pay.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, you do not have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 hall of residence.
A
Correct your spelling
As
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 a result you need to book a hostel or hotel. To illustrate, my internship was in Tehran because I used to study in Tehran, yet my parents
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been living in Isfahan.
In addition
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,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 I did not have a dormitory, so I spent 3 months at the hostel in Tehran. In conclusion, it appears to me that the demerits of
internships
Use synonyms
 cannot eclipse the advantages.
Whereas
Linking Words
, you do not have any money at
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms

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Grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance readability.
Relevance
Ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the topic to avoid any off-topic elements.
Coherence
Enhance the use of cohesive devices to make the text flow more smoothly.
Balanced view
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of unpaid internships, showing a balanced view on the issue.
Introduction & Conclusion
Clear introduction and conclusion present which directly address the essay prompt.
Examples
Uses specific examples to illustrate the main points, which supports the argument effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • internship
  • practical experience
  • networking
  • soft skills
  • hard skills
  • career aspirations
  • resume
  • job market
  • work ethic
  • professionalism
  • exploitation
  • financial strain
  • inequality
  • educational value
  • work setting
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