International tourism is now more common than ever before. Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not.What are your opinions on this?
Nowadays, overseas travel is more popular towards society , unlike the previous times.
Consequently
, we would rather meet more people that
do not seem to originate from our country, Correct pronoun usage
who
as well as
we are aware that many of our relatives prefer to go abroad to spend their leisure time. Many people, especially in Indonesia, feel that this
trend creates negative impacts on the domestic nation. However
, I would argue that cross-border tourism benefits the local society for two essential reasons.
To begin
, allowing foreigners to visit our nation could give the opportunity to various companies to gather more buyers beyond the tourism sector. Aside from this
business, other industries like food and beverages, together with
apparel and textiles will be better off. For instance
, overseas tourists who are visiting Bali would not be only curious about the attraction places, but also
about Balinese traditional clothing as a part of the culture. Therefore
, the foreign visitors would enhance revenues originating from multiple sectors in the home country.
Secondly
, the government's generous access in giving locals a chance to travel abroad would enrich their experience in terms of learning different cultures and customs in the destination country. Moreover
, this
could boost their confidence in interacting with foreigners as well as
dealing with situations that are not familiar to them. For example
, Indonesian individuals who come to Japan for vacation tend to have more polite etiquette in dealing with their surroundings once returning to
home. Change preposition
apply
Thus
, as the locals gain more life lessons from other places, the more moderate will the society be.
To sum up
, better economic performance and richer ways of life could only happen if international mobility existed. As a result
, the local people will benefit from this
practice. If a nation keeps boundaries to the outside world, then
it would be challenging to grow in the future and be left behind.Submitted by raviandrakanty on
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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that relevant specific examples directly relate to and strengthen your arguments. A more detailed explanation of how tourism impacts the economy and individual learning experiences would make the essay stronger.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, improve the logical structure by using more varied and appropriate linking words. This will help the essay flow more smoothly between points.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on both opposing views briefly to provide a balanced discussion before delving into your argument. This will demonstrate a more comprehensive approach to the essay prompt.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and well-structured. The essay does a good job of framing the discussion and summarizing the main ideas.
logical structure
The essay maintains a logical progression of ideas, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific point that supports the overall argument.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported, providing a cohesive argument throughout the essay.