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Band 5

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

#rise #world #population #humanity #time
The persistently increasing
population
 has been regarded as the most important issue encountered by mankind in today’s world.
While
 there are several causes for
this
 growing number, it is in my view, one of the very significant concerns that needs to be addressed immediately.
This
 essay will state the causes and come to a logical conclusion. One of the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 overpopulation could be the lack of awareness of contraceptive methods.
Additionally
, many individuals are not educated enough on the existence of
such
population controlling
Add a hyphen
population-controlling
show examples
 innovations,
such
 as
Intra-uterine
Correct your spelling
intrauterine
show examples
 devices and birth control pills. Having said that, in many countries methods of contraception have developed a stigma, and individuals are resistant to
utilize
Wrong verb form
utilising
show examples
such
 measures.
Hence
, spreading awareness and overcoming the myth will
posititively
Correct your spelling
positively
 affect
this
 problem. The other reasons are a consequence of poor family planning which can have detrimental effects in the future. Importantly, many
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 have multiple
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 as they are constantly distracted by the wrong
idelogy
Correct your spelling
ideology
 of advancing their
blood-line
Correct your spelling
bloodline
show examples
.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, individuals are urged by misleading sentiments to have
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
numerous children which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a result of ineffective family planning methods. In my opinion, I agree that it is a crucial concern which
shold
Correct your spelling
should
 be resolved as soon as possible. To support
this
 argument, I would like to highlight, the drawbacks of overpopulation which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the rapid depletion of resources; as they are required to sustain the needs of
this
 growing
population
.
In addition
, it results in an increasingly unemployed
population
 with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
bad quality of life and a rise in
frustuation
Correct your spelling
frustration
 levels among the masses. In conclusion, the rise in
population
due to
 several reasons brings devastating outcomes for the future and effective measures have to be taken to control
this
 growth. To tackle
this
 issue the government can introduce schemes which benefit those families which have strictly one or two children.
Submitted by Writing8 on

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Task Achievement
To improve task response, try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and show a deeper engagement with the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, consider enhancing the logical flow of your essay. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using more transitional phrases appropriately will help with this.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the response effectively.
Task Achievement
The main points are well-supported throughout the essay, showing a good attempt to argue the case logically.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensively explained, contributing to the overall effectiveness of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion neatly summarizes the main arguments and provides a suggested solution, which adds strength to your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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