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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some
individuals
Use synonyms
 believe that
people
Use synonyms
 are more dependent on
others
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays,
while
Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
 think dwellers hold the opposite point. From my perspective, I consider that
individuals
Use synonyms
 rely on
others
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 more often than before. There could be a couple of reasons why a portion of
individuals
Use synonyms
 suppose that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 are more independent than in the past.
First,
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the advancement of
techonology
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technology
 can
assit
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assist
people
Use synonyms
 in their daily lives, rendering they do not need help from
others
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.
For example
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, some artificial
intellengence softwares
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intelligence software
 like Open
Ai
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AI
show examples
are
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is
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 tapped into handling users' problems in studying and emotions by giving specific
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
.
Therefore
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, citizens no longer bother other
people
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 to give
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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 them.
Second,
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nowadays' education systems
also
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 play an important role in
pursuading
Correct your spelling
persuading
people
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 to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independent person. It is widely known that more and more schools require students to put more efforts
in
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into
show examples
 community
servieces
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services
service
, which is even related to their GPA.
Hence
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, students who attend
into
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apply
show examples
those projects are prone to gain
a
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apply
show examples
necessary life skills, resulting making
individuals
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become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 more independent from a young age.
In contrast
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, I agree with
people
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 who believe
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 are more in need with each
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others
Change to a singular noun
other
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. First of all, tasks in modern society are much more complex than before, signifying that
individuals
Use synonyms
 are not able to handle them all by themselves,
thus
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 cooperating with
others
Use synonyms
 becoming inevitable in
Use synonyms
people'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives.
For instance
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, in recent years, some investment projects contain
much
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many
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 more processes including investigation, communication, selling and risk management, which need
people
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 from different departments gathered to tackle them.
Furthermore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to have more mental issues than before, which makes them need other
individuals
Use synonyms
'
assitance
Correct your spelling
assistance
.
Due to
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 the fact that lower employment, higher pressure and crime rate
in
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apply
show examples
nowadays, the standard of mental situation is getting worse.
Consequently
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, dwellers have
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 possibility of being depressed. In that case,
individuals
Use synonyms
 need other
people
Use synonyms
 like their friends,
parents
Correct word choice
and parents
show examples
 to help them get through the difficult time.
Therefore
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, they rely on other
people
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 more often. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 suppose
people
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 are more independent because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 influence of nowadays
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
 and education, I consider that cooperation and mental
assisstance
Correct your spelling
assistance
 make citizens need each other more frequently than before.

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complete response
A clear position on the topic is maintained throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalization
  • technological advancements
  • collective action
  • digital evolution
  • minimal reliance
  • direct interaction
  • empowered
  • access to technology
  • societal expectations
  • personal choice
  • leverage
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