Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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These days,

children

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are addicted to their mobile

phones

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and spend most of their

time

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on them. Personally, I believe that

this

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has a negative impact on

children

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’s lives. In

this

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essay, I will explore the reasons why

this

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trend is occurring, and give some reasons to support my opinion. Recently, it is irrefutable that the Internet is widely integrated into our lives;

furthermore

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, the number of people who use it has significantly increased.

On the other hand

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, new cell

phones

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usually come with increasingly advanced and cool features. In fact, almost all cell

phones

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have Wi-Fi facilities and can connect to the Internet easily.

Moreover

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, there are miscellaneous games on it, turning it into an addictive gadget, especially for

children

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Additionally

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, there are numerous social media platforms where

children

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can communicate with individuals around the world online and easily make new friends.

Therefore

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, young generations have been attracted to

this

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device by its amazing features.

However

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, spending too much

time

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on cell

phones

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can lead to disastrous consequences.

For example

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, it has been proven that looking at the phone screen for long hours can damage the eyes and reduce the level of vision;

also

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, it can hurt the neck.

Thus

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, health problems can be created by using smartphones constantly. Another issue is that some

children

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are so addicted to

this

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device that they do not care about what is going on around them.

Consequently

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, they cannot assign enough

time

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to their responsibilities. So, I think

this

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procedure is a negative development.

To conclude

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, some young generations use their mobile

phones

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most of the

time

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Although

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proposing

this

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device makes our life much more convenient, it can affect

children

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negatively; so, in my view, it is a negative development.

fatemeh1994bahramiSat Jun 15 2024

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coherence cohesion

To further improve coherence, try to use more transitional phrases to smoothly connect your ideas. For example, phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Another reason is,' and 'Furthermore' help the reader to follow your argument more easily.

task achievement

For task response, provide more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your argument. For instance, delve deeper into specific health issues or social problems caused by excessive smartphone use. Specific studies or statistics could also help.

coherence cohesion

Work on varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to maintain the reader’s interest. Using a variety of sentence beginnings and some less common words can make your essay more engaging.

task achievement

You’ve clearly stated your opinion and consistently supported it throughout the essay, which makes your position easy to follow.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This enhances readability.

task achievement

You’ve addressed both parts of the task, explaining why children spend so much time on smartphones and expressing your view on whether this is a positive or negative development.

13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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