Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
These days,
children
are addicted to their mobile phones
and spend most of their time
on them. Personally, I believe that this
has a negative impact on children
’s lives. In this
essay, I will explore the reasons why this
trend is occurring, and give some reasons to support my opinion.
Recently, it is irrefutable that the Internet is widely integrated into our lives; furthermore
, the number of people who use it has significantly increased. On the other hand
, new cell phones
usually come with increasingly advanced and cool features. In fact, almost all cell phones
have Wi-Fi facilities and can connect to the Internet easily. Moreover
, there are miscellaneous games on it, turning it into an addictive gadget, especially for children
. Additionally
, there are numerous social media platforms where children
can communicate with individuals around the world online and easily make new friends. Therefore
, young generations have been attracted to this
device by its amazing features.
However
, spending too much time
on cell phones
can lead to disastrous consequences. For example
, it has been proven that looking at the phone screen for long hours can damage the eyes and reduce the level of vision; also
, it can hurt the neck. Thus
, health problems can be created by using smartphones constantly. Another issue is that some children
are so addicted to this
device that they do not care about what is going on around them. Consequently
, they cannot assign enough time
to their responsibilities. So, I think this
procedure is a negative development.
To conclude
, some young generations use their mobile phones
most of the time
. Although
proposing this
device makes our life much more convenient, it can affect children
negatively; so, in my view, it is a negative development.Submitted by fatemeh1994bahrami on
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coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence, try to use more transitional phrases to smoothly connect your ideas. For example, phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Another reason is,' and 'Furthermore' help the reader to follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
For task response, provide more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your argument. For instance, delve deeper into specific health issues or social problems caused by excessive smartphone use. Specific studies or statistics could also help.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to maintain the reader’s interest. Using a variety of sentence beginnings and some less common words can make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
You’ve clearly stated your opinion and consistently supported it throughout the essay, which makes your position easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This enhances readability.
task achievement
You’ve addressed both parts of the task, explaining why children spend so much time on smartphones and expressing your view on whether this is a positive or negative development.