IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Your friend has just won a large amount of money in the lottery. She would like your advice as to how to spend it. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter Congratulate him/her on their win Give practical advice on how to spend the money Advise him/her on benefit/drawbacks associated with large wins

#friend #amount #money #lottery #advice #benefit
Dear Anna,
Firstly
, I would like to congratulate you for winning 5 million U.S dollars at the “Test Your Luck.” You won’t believe but I think you have been lucky since your childhood. I really felt ‘I
on
Add a missing verb
was on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cloud nine’ after hearing
this
 news. I have asked you various times to have a fixed deposit account with a bank,
I
Correct word choice
but I
show examples
think you still do not have that. I recommend you have a fixed
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
 account and get half of your money deposited in that for safety.
This
 could help you to have funds for future investment. I know that you are rich now, and many people want to become your friends so, beware of
such
 buddies.
However
, there might be some real friends and relatives as well who will render you some useful ideas for allocating your funds for lucrative profits, you just need to choose the right trajectory. I hope my suggestions may prove useful to you. Yours loving, Navneet Kaur.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to proofread your writing to catch minor errors or awkward phrases. For example, 'I on the cloud nine' should be 'I am on cloud nine.'
task achievement
Expand slightly on the drawbacks and benefits associated with large wins. Mention both advantages and disadvantages to give a more balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should express a single clear idea. Separate different points into individual paragraphs for improved readability.
coherence cohesion
Your letter is well-organized overall, but adding transitional phrases can improve flow between paragraphs.
greeting and closing
Strong, clear greeting and closing. This creates a personal and engaging tone.
suitable writing tone
The writing tone is very suitable for a letter to a friend, making it friendly and personal.
logical structure
Logical structure is good overall, with a clear progression of ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: