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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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Some argue that people should teach
children
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 how to be good citizens at
home
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,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that learning from teachers in
school
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 is superior.
This
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 article will argue that,
while
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 educating juveniles at
home
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 is simple since
parents
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 spend so much time with them, it is more productive to assign them to educators who have teaching skills.
First,
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raising
children
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 at
home
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 can be comfortable because mothers and fathers are always the closest people to their
children
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.
That is
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, they have spent most of their time together since the
children
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 were born, so they have developed a close link with their
parents
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, which makes influencing them simple and requires little effort.
For example
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, in a survey on how
children
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 are influenced by their surroundings,
parents
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' activities surely account for approximately 70% of their behaviour.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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 approach because it is better for youngsters to learn from someone who specializes in education.
On the other hand
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, some believe that learning in
school
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 is more useful to the teaching process.
This
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 is because instructors frequently have far more experience raising
children
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 than
parents
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. They have taught hundreds of students over their careers and
hence
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 understand what to do in various situations.
For example
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, several educators who have worked in the area have stated that it is easy to observe
children
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's attitudes at
school
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 and that many of the difficulties have been handled through educational approaches. As years of teaching have demonstrated, I am convinced that
this
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 method is critical to young people's development. To summarize,
home
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 education might be useful for
children
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 at some times;
nevertheless
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, to be a fully developed person, kids should be placed in
school
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 under the supervision of expert educators.
Submitted by maymocsb on

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coherence cohesion
While your ideas are well-organized and clear, some points can be elaborated on further. Provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument for educated readers.
task achievement
Make sure to balance your paragraphs in terms of length and depth. The second argument could use a bit more expansion to mirror the first one's depth.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of both viewpoints and concludes with a strong personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and flow are maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You provided specific examples and statistics that give credibility to your arguments. This is a great practice.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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