in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In the majority of countries in the globe, suburban individuals immigrate to developed areas, and
as a result
, we can see a decline in the proportion of dwellers. I strongly disapprove of this
statement. in this
essay, I will elaborate on my reasons in detail.
On the one hand, it is an essential fact that people in rural areas have a tendency to live in cities
because of various facilities and recreational amenities for instance
water parks, museums, cinemas, and shopping malls. Apart from that if they move from their hometown, their regions will have a scarcity of human resources and a lack of experts in this
spot so if people need professional doctors in emergencies, they have to go to cities
thus
it's time-consuming and risky.
Furthermore
, developed cities
will be boomed by more citizens and cause some detrimental effects such
as environmental issues, and economic crises as well. In other words
, when the population increases, we need more job opportunities and when society has a specific quantities vacancy it leads some
problems like unemployment, Change preposition
to some
therefore
, with growing individuals
the usage of private vehicles increases, Correct quantifier usage
number of individuals
consequently
its more pollution in cities
and it can raise the risk of chronic diseases like asthma, allergic and difference cancer.
By way of conclusion, I think the government is in charge of tackling this
problem because individuals tend to live more comfortably and convenient but it has some fundamental problems, authorities should allocate some budget to provide some facilities for rural areas and offer some incentives to encourage people not to immigrate as well, my perception has explained in this
essay further
Submitted by safehiana on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and includes an introduction and conclusion. However, it would benefit from more detailed examples and evidence to support your points. Consider using specific statistics or case studies where applicable.
coherence cohesion
While your essay does have a logical structure, some of your points are not fully developed, and there are abrupt transitions between ideas. Work on making your paragraphs flow better by using linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Try to develop your main points more thoroughly. For example, you mentioned environmental issues and unemployment, but more detailed explanation and examples are needed to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines what will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
You have used some good examples of amenities in cities, which helps to clarify your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and provides a solution.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.