The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals are of the opinion that
team
sports
are one of the best ways to optimally instruct student
how to collaborate with Fix the agreement mistake
students
the
others at school. From my standpoint, I wholly agree with Correct article usage
apply
this
statement due to
the enhancement of solidarity, and easier to conquer
challenges. Add a hyphen
easier-to-conquer
This
essay will expound upon by
giving feasible reasons and practical examples.
Correct pronoun usage
this by
Firstly
, there are some positive noteworthy effects. The progressing
in solidarity is Replace the word
progress
a
decisive importance. Specifically, students tend to do Correct your spelling
of
works
individually, but Wrong verb form
work
team
sports
need teamwork, so it paves a chance for the students to work together and gain more experiences
. Fix the agreement mistake
experience
As a result
, team
sports
build a useful person, it leads
to more golden job opportunities after graduation Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
in
a university. Change preposition
from
For instance
, website
design company is a relevant example here where they need a group of workers Correct article usage
a website
do
a project together to design websites for their customers, they cannot do that independently, so Fix the infinitive
to do
the
solidarity is indeed essential to accomplish every Correct article usage
apply
works
.
Change to a singular noun
work
Secondly
, advantages gained from easier to face
and Add a hyphen
easier-to-face
accomplish
challenges. One of the reasons is good strategies are necessary for Wrong verb form
accomplished
team
sports
game
, meaning that they must learn from Fix the agreement mistake
games
another
people, discussing strategies carefully to win, especially real-life jobs have no differences. A Correct quantifier usage
other
conuncing
example relate to Correct your spelling
convincing
counting
this
situation is bosses in big companies often have meetings to discuss about
contracts and always go for the best choice which has Remove the preposition
apply
less
risks. Change the quantifier
fewer
Thus
, it helps the youth to get used to facing problems and dealing with these
together.
In conclusion, Correct pronoun usage
them
due to
convincingly
listed reasons. From the writer's perspective, I totally agree that Correct article usage
the convincingly
team
sports
help children to learn how to cooperate more easily, team
sports
give participants experiences to look for job opportunities more comfortably, and students can face their difficulty without scaring because of had
got used to it before.Wrong verb form
have
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent. However, the logical flow between some points can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next.
task achievement
You provided a complete response to the task. To enhance clarity, consider breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences and using transitional phrases.
task achievement
Include more varied and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your points more convincing and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong framework for your argument.
task achievement
You addressed the task effectively, outlining the benefits of team sports in teaching children cooperation.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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