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Band 5

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Some people believe that we should not help people in other countries

#world #communities #countries #people
There
is
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are
show examples
 no
doubts
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doubt
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, that plenty of problems exist in the world;
however
, I believe that
people
 should pay attention
on
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to
show examples
 issues
of
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in
show examples
areas
Correct article usage
the areas
show examples
, where they live.
This
 essay will explore my point of view with examples.
To begin
 with,
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
, the situation in our surroundings is more important than the remote
prombems
Correct your spelling
problems
probes
 are.
This
 is because the issues
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 affect lives directly have to be solved at
firsty
Correct your spelling
first
.
For instance
, the level of crime in the district where we live could be more significant for local residents than the revolution in the continent of Africa. Alternatively, if
people
Add a missing verb
are concern
show examples
concern
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concerned
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 about
Correct your spelling
foreign
foreing
Correct your spelling
foreign
 troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
, they will not spend their taxes on maintaining local roads, repairing public schools, and
Replace the word
creating
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creation
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creating
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 jobs in their cities.
As a result
, the personal issues, that
people
 can touch, are more significant in most cases.
In addition
, the aid for foreign countries may lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative consequences for the recipients.
Firstly
, some
people
 think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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financial support demands
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 refund with percentages that could be considered as a form of financial slavery. Kazakhstan, as
a
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an
show examples
 example, has more than 100
billions dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
billion dollars
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debt
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in debt
show examples
,
wich
Correct your spelling
which
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 our government must return in
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 decades, no matter how difficult it could be.
Secondly
,
the
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apply
show examples
military support increases the number of deaths in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
light of the more severe and active military operations. It is hard to deny that the sending
missiles
Change preposition
of missiles
show examples
 from North Korea to Russia and from
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 to Ukraine exacerbated the conflict and
rose
Verb problem
raised
show examples
number
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a number
the number
show examples
 of deaths. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, I would like to enhance the desire of individuals to work on their own goals, and after that
concern
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concerned
show examples
 about
far
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future
show examples
 situations.
On the other hand
, the acceptance of help has lots of negative effects
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 developing states.
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure a stronger introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly outline the stance and main points that will be discussed. Similarly, the conclusion should effectively summarize the key points discussed.
logical structure
Work on improving coherence between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Use more transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. This will help strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
supported main points
The essay clearly outlines a stance and supports it with examples, ensuring a focused response to the prompt.
clear comprehensive ideas
The main points are well-explained and relevant to the argument.

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