task 2: More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #amounts #money #complexions #development

Recent times have witnessed an increase in the number of

people

spending fortunes on their

complexions

for younger appearance.

This

essay will first examine the reasons behind

this

phenomenon and argue that, despite the advantages of

complexions

this

trend

is predominantly negative. An upward

trend

in investing a credible sum in

complexions

can be attributed to two main factors. One of these stems from the desire to attract others’ attention and

also

Add an article

an acknowledgment

the acknowledgment

show examples

acknowledgment

Change the spelling

acknowledgement

show examples

of their beauty, which is equivalent to a younger outlook in meaning.

This

has been proved by many psychological and neurological studies to bring individual positive senses

such

as happiness and pride.

Additionally

, as the outburst of social platforms has allowed users to approach more

people

without limits in geography, gender, and age,

people

with competitive mindsets tend to increase demands for

complexions

For instance

, whenever there is a new standard in beauty, many have to pay more in order not to become old-fashioned or miss out.

Although

having large expenditures on personal features can confer upon

people

some benefits, I am convinced that it comes at the expense of many pronounced problems. The primary concern is its potential effect on finance. When chasing the

trend

of doing many

complexions

, it may result in

over-spending

Correct your spelling

overspending

show examples

which

further

escalates into debts regardless of the minor of

people

who a in relatively wealthy situations.

Moreover

, to avoid facial

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

signals, some seek surgical interventions, which have implicit risks if being operated in under-qualified

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

. Take,

for example

, a woman in Tay Ninh - Vietnam Nam was diagnosed to be blinded after she had experienced eyelid surgery. In conclusion, the positive aspect of spending large amounts of money to look younger is marginalizing its drawbacks. Despite certain benefits, I argue that

this

overall

a negative

trend

, for it may contribute to severe financial problems and health issues.

Submitted by mylinhlee27 on Sun Jun 16 2024

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task response

To enhance task response, incorporate more specific examples that support your points. For instance, mention popular celebrities or beauty trends that highlight why people want to look younger.

task response

Provide a more balanced analysis of the positive and negative aspects of spending on complexion care. This would show a full discussion of both sides, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the issue.

coherence and cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, try using more transitional phrases to better connect your ideas. Words like 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' and 'consequently' can help the essay flow more smoothly.

coherence and cohesion

Watch for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which can slightly affect the clarity of your points. Consider revising sentences such as 'the minor of people who a in relatively wealthy situations' to 'the minority of people who are in relatively wealthy situations.'

structure

Your essay has a clear structure with a distinctive introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your arguments.

support

You provided a relevant example about a woman in Tay Ninh, which illustrates the risks of surgical interventions very well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

308 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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task 2: More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Your opinion

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?