Writing Samples Band 5 Many aspects of the way people dress today are influenced by global fashion trends. How has global fashion become such a strong influence on people’s lives? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, global
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
influence the way
people
Use synonyms
dress.
This
Linking Words
is because public figures who have been hired by
fashion
Use synonyms
brands
Use synonyms
are widespread in society.
This
Linking Words
could be a negative development because many individuals should save their own income to use in
emergency
Use synonyms
situations
Use synonyms
rather than buying many clothes.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the celebrities behind the global
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
are more popular in society.
This
Linking Words
is because
people
Use synonyms
usually want to purchase clothes that are worn by celebrities or public figures.
For example
Linking Words
, in a particular country,
such
Linking Words
as Korea, a girl group called Blackpink promotes a brand called Prada.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
or their fans are encouraged to spend their savings on clothes from the brand
that is
Linking Words
endorsed by the group.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is a negative development because
people
Use synonyms
should save their income. One of the reasons is that
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
usually come from famous
brands
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, luxury
brands
Use synonyms
are expensive, and many
people
Use synonyms
would be better off saving their money, which can be used in
emergency
Use synonyms
situations
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many middle-class
people
Use synonyms
in Jakarta purchase luxury
brands
Use synonyms
without thinking twice about their money.
As a result
Linking Words
, when the funds are needed in
emergency
Use synonyms
situations
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as theft, illness, or unexpected expenses, they cannot afford it because their funds have been spent on luxury habits. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
public figures get some profits from companies that hire them. I believe that global
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
have a negative impact on
people
Use synonyms
’s saving habits, rather than saving money for
emergency
Use synonyms
situations
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Make your view clear in the first part and keep it the same through the essay.
content
Add a balanced view by showing both sides and then say what you think.
content
Give more proof for your claim with more real life examples.
grammar
Use simple words and short sentences; check small grammar mistakes.
grammar
Check small errors like 'people or their fans' and 'emergency situations'.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas well, like first, also, but, finally.
content
The essay shows a clear view that global fashion trends can be bad.
example
There are real examples from pop groups and brands.
structure
The writer uses 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' to show order.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

What to do next:
Look at other essays: