some feel that governments should priotize healthcare instead of other important areas. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#feel #governments #priotize #healthcare #areas

Some people are of the opinion that the

healthcare

system

should be allocated more consideration rather than other important areas by governments. I strongly agree with

this

idea mainly

due to

its effect on the standard of living in a

country

. The

healthcare

system

is a key factor in the standard of living in a society.

This

means that,

as a result

of a suitable

healthcare

system

such

as efficient premises and skilful staff, people in a community are more likely to benefit from a peaceful atmosphere and less exposure to stress.

Due to

the fact that they believe they can take full advantage of the best mental and physical treatments when they face a problem.

This

can lead to a suitable society for working and living at

last

In addition

this

system

can play a critical role in the economy of the

country

. In terms of

this

, because of investment in

healthcare

Add an article

the healthcare

show examples

system

, the number of patients from different countries in order to access efficient treatment has increased.

For example

, the health care

system

of the UK can benefit from a wide variety of visitors from around the world

due to

its quality per annum.

This

can result in fostering the economy in the long run. Another group of people claims that

priotizing

Correct your spelling

prioritising

healthcare

rather than other important areas can decrease the pace of development. They insist that

this

can reduce the amount of the budget

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

allocated for education and infrastructure in a society.

However

, In my idea, it is not a valid opinion because private parties in each

country

can invest in these areas. They activities can help not to diminish the pace of the

devolpment

Correct your spelling

development

developments

in countries. In conclusion, I totally agree that the

healthcare

system

is of paramount importance to the government

due to

increase

Wrong verb form

increases

show examples

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

standard of living and

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

foster the economy of a

country

Submitted by kargar.mh1992 on Sun Jun 16 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and contributes to the argument. For example, expand on the economic benefit of healthcare investment with more statistics or examples.

coherence cohesion

Avoid minor typographical and grammatical errors, such as in 'priotizing' which should be 'prioritizing,' and 'devolpment' which should be 'development.' Proofreading can help to minimize these errors.

task achievement

Add more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to elevate your essay. For example, use synonyms for 'important' and 'system,' or vary sentence beginnings to make your writing more engaging.

task achievement

Include additional examples or data to make your argument more compelling and to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue. For instance, data about healthcare improvements in specific countries could be valuable.

coherence cohesion

The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs and a logical flow of ideas.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your stance on the topic.

task achievement

You provided relevant examples, such as the UK healthcare system attracting patients from different countries, which helped to support your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

312 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Nowsaday,people use bicycles less as a form of transport.Why is that?What can we do to encourage people to use bicycles more?
In today's fast-paced world. It is true that bicycles have been used less as a mean of transportation. The phenomenon is caused by its inconvenience that two-wheeler bring us and the significant development of technology especially on vehicles that made humans tend to become more lazy to ride a bike and i personally believe that it is beneficial due to its health inprovement and environmental protection.
7.5
band
Some people think that older employees contribute most to the success of a company. Others think that younger people play a more vital role. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Every establishment often has two diverging sentiments about whether the younger or older workforce is the more significant player. A portion of people believe the more experienced a labourer is, the more crucial their position holds. While others argue that young staff may bring more interesting ideas to the table which is better for the institution involved. Although I certainly think the two arguments were valid, I believe both could co-exist and build an environment that may develop the enterprise to a new level.
4.5
band
The Impact of Technology on Traditional Forms of Communication Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the increasing use of technology, such as smartphones and social media, on traditional forms of communication. Consider the impact on interpersonal relationships, cultural exchange, and the potential loss of face-to-face interaction. Provide examples and support your arguments with relevant evidence.
Technology is indeed a helping hand for us all. As years pass by, technology keeps on evolving to its finest, making our lives more convenient and easy as we live. People have different perspective when it comes engaging with technology itself, especially when it comes to communication. Now, let us talk more and dig deeper on the disadvantage and advantage of impleminting technology on traditional forms of communication.
6
band
People say in order to prevent illness and disease, governemt should focus on reducing environmental population and housing problems To what extent do you agree or disagree
In the modern age, some people think to protect their health, the government should prioritize environmental cleanup to mitigate health risks associated with pollution. The writer of this essay claims they have will results in paying attention to those social problems.
7.5
band
A friend you made while you were studying abroad would like to spend a semester studying in your country. He/She has written to ask for your advice. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter 1. Describe why you think he/she will enjoy it 2. Explain why you recommend studying at your university 3. give some advice about how to apply Write at least 150 words. You do not need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear_________,
I hope you are doing well. I got excited to hear that you have made up your mind to continue one of your semesters at the Indian University.

some feel that governments should priotize healthcare instead of other important areas. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowsaday,people use bicycles less as a form of transport.Why is that?What can we do to encourage people to use bicycles more?

Some people think that older employees contribute most to the success of a company. Others think that younger people play a more vital role. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People say in order to prevent illness and disease, governemt should focus on reducing environmental population and housing problems To what extent do you agree or disagree