IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #cities #health
In recent
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
, the topic of whether living in big
cities
 will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
’s
health
. Many
people
 believe that living in big
cities
 is bad for
people
’s
health
.
This
 essay
disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
show examples
 with
this
 statement. Some
people
 believe that living in big
cities
 will
bed
Correct your spelling
have a bad
show examples
 effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
’s
health
. First and foremost,
people
 will
are
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 more likely to
exposed
Add a missing verb
be exposed
show examples
 to more pollution if they live in
cities
, since there
many
Add a missing verb
are many
show examples
 factories nearby. Many
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 are more likely to be in contact with these harmful things, and they are more
easy
Correct word choice
likely
show examples
 to get sick.
Therefore
, Living in big
cities
 will harm
people
’s
health
.
However
, living in big
cities
 can
also
 be beneficial for
people
’s
health
. First of all, big
cities
 have good
health
 care. If
people
 are living in big
cities
 , they will be able to access these facilities ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can improve their
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
. In that case, if
people
 are sick they can go to the
hospitals
Fix the agreement mistake
hospital
show examples
 quickly, and
this
 will make their lives more convenient.
In addition
, living in big
cities
also
 have better public transport which is good for the environment , because there will be
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
 driving.
This
 will reduce the level of pollution, leading to a better environment and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
people
’s lives healthier.
Therefore
, living in big
cities
 can have many benefits for
people
’s
health
. In summary, in my viewpoint living in big
cities
 can
also
 be beneficial for
people
’s
health
. And I believe that there are more advantages than disadvantages.
Submitted by 3100880965 on

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grammar
Improve grammatical range and accuracy by focusing on subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. For example, 'people will are more likely to exposed to more pollution' should be corrected to 'people are more likely to be exposed to more pollution.'
examples
Incorporate more specific and relevant examples to strengthen the arguments. For instance, mention specific health benefits provided by urban healthcare facilities or specific ways in which pollution in big cities can be mitigated.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a complete response to the task.
content
The essay discusses both the negative and positive aspects of living in big cities, showing an understanding of different perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory problems
  • population density
  • stress levels
  • mental health issues
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • healthcare facilities
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological well-being
  • recreational areas
  • social networks
What to do next:
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