IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

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Purchasing items,
for example
Linking Words
, books, air tickets, and groceries online is becoming common in society.
Although
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, it may lack delivery on time, I believe, it brings more positive impacts on people's lives because of the convenience and variety of types of
a certain
Correct the article-noun agreement
certain products
a certain product
show examples
products
Use synonyms
. The main disadvantage of buying online might be delays in delivery.
That is
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 to say, sometimes transporting
products
Use synonyms
 to certain locations may be a difficult task for drivers
due to
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 dramatic changes in weather or long distances. Owing to these problems, drivers may be late for a particular appointed time.
For instance
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, in Russia, plenty of delivery services have
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 issues on the road
due to
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 poor conditions during the journey.
As a result
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, it would be delayed for 2 or more days.
However
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, despite these challenges, the online market brings more opportunities rather than drawbacks. The primary advantage of
this
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 could be convenience in purchasing
products
Use synonyms
. Since all applications are developed frequently, customers are able to purchase items conveniently.
In other words
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, it does not require a huge amount of time to search for
products
Use synonyms
 because people can find specific pages dedicated to printing of name of the product.
Furthermore
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, it gives an opportunity to search for other alternatives to things if there is not a particular kind of thing.
That is
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 to say, offline stores represent fewer
products
Use synonyms
 than online
due to
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 unlimited pages on the platform.
For example
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, even grocery shops tend to create their own application
due to
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 the number of
products
Use synonyms
 that cannot be
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
inside. In conclusion, in spite of instantaneously occurring delays, in my opinion, e-markets provide more opportunities to their customers,
such
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 as purchasing without going errands physically and
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
versions
Change preposition
of versions
show examples
 of
a particular things
Correct the article-noun agreement
a particular thing
particular things
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task and addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping. However, some ideas could be further elaborated to provide more depth and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are generally clear and logically organized, but some sentences could be more precise to improve overall coherence. Try to use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and within them.
task achievement
Consider expanding on the points made with more specific examples and elaboration. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This adds to the overall coherence and makes it easier to follow your argument.
task achievement
You give specific and relevant examples, such as the situation in Russia regarding delivery delays, which helps to illustrate your points effectively. This enhances the clarity of your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • time-saving
  • wide selection
  • competitive prices
  • discounts
  • accessibility
  • global marketplace
  • availability
  • fraud
  • scams
  • lack of
  • physical interaction
  • personal experience
  • impersonal
  • customer service
  • delays
  • delivery
  • return process
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