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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think, and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing young generations for more lives. To what extent do you agree with disagreements this view.

#generations #people #lives #disagreements
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It is true that many other
people
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 believe in traditional values that
often
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are often
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same
Correct word choice
apply
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incompatible
business
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with business
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 of younger
people
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. Well, I agree that some traditional ideas are outdated, I believe that others are still useful and should not be forgotten.
On the other hand
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, many of the ideas that elderly
people
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 have about life are becoming less relevant for younger
people
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. in the past,
for example
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,
people
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 were advised to learn a professional and find a secure job for life, but today's workers expect much more variety and diversity from the care. At the same time, the rules around relationships are being eroded as young adults make their own choices about who and when to. But perhaps the greatest disparity between the generations can be seen in their attitudes towards gender roles. The traditional roles of men and women as breadwinners and housewives are no longer accepted as necessary or appropriate by most younger
people
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.
On the other hand
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, some traditional views and values are certainly applicable to the modern world.
For example
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, the generation attached rate importance to working hard, doing their best, and pride in work, and
this
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behavior
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behaviour
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 casually benefits young
people
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 as they enter today's competitive job market. Other characteristics that are perhaps seen as traditional are politeness and good manners. In our globalized world, young adults can't expect to come into contact with
people
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 from a huge variety of backgrounds, and it is more important to treat others with respect.
Finally
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, I believe that young
people
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 would lead happier lives if they had a more old-fashioned sense of community and
neighborliness
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neighbourliness
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. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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although
Linking Words
 the views of other
people
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 may sometimes
the saying
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be
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 unhelpful in today's world, we should not dismiss all traditional ideas as irrelevant.
Submitted by yu18526106986 on

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grammar
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve clarity.
coherence
Enhance the coherence and cohesion by using transitional phrases to connect ideas better.
content
Elaborate more on each point with specific examples to increase the depth of your arguments.
overall
Good attempt at balancing different perspectives in your argument.
content
Clear recognition of the relevance of certain traditional values in modern society.
structure
Effective paragraphing to separate different ideas and points of discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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