IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In many countries, the tradition of families living together is disappearing. What are the reasons for this trend? What are the effects on the family and society as a whole? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #countries #tradition #families #trend #effects #society
It is true that extended
families
 have disappeared recently
due to
 lots of reasons,
therefore
 it has many consequences for individuals and communities to deal with. I would mention some reasons and side effects. I believe that there are many factors causing
this
 new lifestyle,
firstly
, nowadays all family members have to work in an overwhelming schedule which makes them work for long hours and spend
major
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
time
 in the workplace so they don't have enough
time
 to deal with others.
secondly
, expenses for living in a city are more expensive than past, and providing facilities for large
families
 is approximately impossible,
for example
, renting a big house requires a huge amount of money.
Finally
, modern society prefers to have a nuclear family so the size of them has become smaller day by day .
On the other hand
,
this
 new trend has affected individuals and countries in different ways. The children who grow up in nuclear
families
 have fewer communication skills than ones who are nurtured in extended
families
.
However
,
due to
 the lack of playmates and opportunities to spend their
time
 with other family members, they have to play video games or watch movies, which leads them to lose their self-confidence
instead
 of activities that help them boost cognitive skills.
However
, society will face some problems too,
such
 as providing more nursery rooms for elderly people whose relatives don't have enough space and
time
 for them. In conclusion,
while
families
 are smaller than past for many different reasons, they will have some problems,
modern
Correct word choice
and modern
show examples
 countries
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 face difficulties too.
Submitted by ostorr7213 on

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task achievement
While your essay clearly addresses the prompt and provides several reasons and effects related to the disappearance of extended families, adding more specific examples would strengthen your arguments. For example, you could mention specific studies or statistics to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs. However, the transition between some points can be smoother. For instance, use more transition words and phrases like 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'consequently' to create a better flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion not only summarizes the main points but also offers a final thought or reflection on the topic. This can provide a stronger ending to your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical introduction and conclusion which frames your essay well.
task achievement
Your main points are well supported and you provide relevant reasons for the decreasing trend of extended families living together.
coherence cohesion
The language used is clear and easy to understand. You have used a variety of vocabulary and sentence structures appropriately.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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