Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Over the many thousand years, people have used their
time
apart from work hours for their
leisure
time
. Some people believe that they could use
this
time
to keep their
mind
at rest
while
others believe that
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
best used to sharpen their
mind
. In
this
essay, I will discuss more about these views and give my opinion, which is that both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views are valid. Many feel that these cognitively stimulating activities should be pursued for
leisure
activities. The idea is that, when the
mind
is active, it builds up the synapses or connections and keeps the
brain
in good condition. Games like
sudokku
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sudoku
, crosswords, puzzles or
high tech
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high-tech
show examples
activities in the apps or websites
enables
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enable
show examples
the
brain
to be alert and sharp,
ward
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warding
show examples
off dementia .
Although
some of the creators of these saying that they change the structure of the
brain
seems to be exaggerated,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
true that they keep the
mind
in a good state. The other view is that the
leisure
time
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
ought to be devoted to mental rest. Considering the long working hours,
along with
the stress of being
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in
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eternal contactable
by
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with
show examples
smart phones
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smartphones
show examples
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
best for the
mind
to be
switched-off
Correct your spelling
switched off
show examples
. There
are
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is
show examples
plenty of research to support that walking in nature or simply
siting
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sitting
show examples
down quietly in meditation can be considered as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healing to the
mind
. A study of
buddhist
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Buddhist
show examples
monks
had
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apply
show examples
showed
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shown
show examples
that when in meditation the cells in their body
were regenerating
Wrong verb form
regenerate
show examples
and
also
slowed
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slow
show examples
down the
aging
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ageing
show examples
process. Personally, I do believe that both these views serve their best for the
mind
. Following periods of extreme stress or problem-solving or meeting with lots of people, spending
time
alone doing nothing is rewarding. At the same
time
, when in
monotonus
Correct your spelling
monotonous
monotones
work or lack of mental stimulation, reading a good book or
completeting
Correct your spelling
completing
puzzles
also
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
the same impact. There is no point, in my view, in declaring that one is better than the other. In conclusion, I think that both
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
active
leisure
time
and
one
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apply
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
relaxation
are
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is
show examples
good for us. The former,
stimulating
Wrong verb form
stimulates
show examples
the
brain
and
in
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apply
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the latter
from being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
used very little.
Submitted by kevinleom12 on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides an opinion, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect readability. Consider reviewing your sentences for clarity and grammar.
coherence cohesion
The ideas presented in the essay are organized, but some connections between points could be strengthened. Try to ensure that each paragraph transition is smooth and logical.
task achievement
Good job of clearly stating your opinion in the introduction and conclusion, ensuring that your position is clear throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples and explanations to support the main points, enhancing the overall persuasiveness of the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present and they effectively frame the discussion in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • mental stagnation
  • intellectually stimulating
  • relaxation
  • meditation
  • stress reduction
  • overall well-being
  • personal development
  • life satisfaction
  • sense of achievement
  • emotional balance
  • peace of mind
  • scientific evidence
  • memory
  • learning
  • creativity
  • emotional regulation
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