More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think is a possible solution?

An increasing
number
of people from developing nations are making their first car purchases. The principal
problems
this
causes are
pollution
and traffic congestion, and the most viable solution is better public transport. The primary issue developing countries face when their citizens start to buy
cars
is increased
pollution
.
This
occurs
as a result
of the rise in toxic emissions expelled by
cars
in the form of exhaust gases. The greater
number
of vehicles on the road is
also
responsible for a rise in traffic jams.
This
is because roads that were built for bikes or a limited
number
of
cars
are now liable to be clogged with a line of vehicles during peak times.
For example
, most roads in Ho Chi Minh City were built to carry bikes only, but now there are up to 5,000 new
cars
added to the streets a month, and it now takes up to half an hour to travel one kilometre within the city centre. A solution to these
problems
is to build a sustainable public transport system.
This
would solve the
problems
by taking most people off the roads and onto either an underground train or a train that runs above the road, and both of these options cause less
pollution
than
cars
. As traffic
problems
and
pollution
increase, most people will become frustrated and decide to either sell their car or only use it when absolutely necessary.
This
is why Ho Chi Minh City is currently building their first metro line and sky train, similar to Bangkok’s, and these are projected to reduce journey times and
pollution
by up to 50% when they are completed. In conclusion, the main
problems
with the rise in the
number
of motor vehicles in developing countries are rising
pollution
and congestion, but these can be addressed through modern public transport infrastructure.
Submitted by kana_ayaki on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-organized, adding a few more transitional phrases could enhance the flow. For example, phrases like 'in addition' or 'furthermore' between sentences explaining the problems could add more cohesion.
task achievement
Included relevant and specific examples, which is excellent. To enhance the essay further, you could add a short explanation of why public transport is considered a sustainable solution in terms of cost-effectiveness or long-term benefits.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the problems of pollution and traffic congestion from increased car ownership in developing countries.
task achievement
The solution proposed, improving public transport, is well-explained and supported with relevant examples, such as the situation in Ho Chi Minh City.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, beginning with the identification of problems, followed by a proposed solution, and concluding with a summary.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purposes well.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported with specific details and examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: